IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #sites #facebook #effect #society #individuals
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It is argued that social media applications have a detrimental effect on
society
. I firmly agree with
this
 argument about the drawbacks of social media networking
sites
.
This
 essay will explain several reasons to support the writer's view.
To begin
 with, social networking
sites
 have a wide range of negative influences on contemporary
society
.
First,
individuals
 can easily be addicted to
these networking
Change the determiner
this networking
show examples
, so they may struggle with sustaining their daily
lives
.
For instance
, a student who uses Facebook may get lower marks in the exam
due to
 excessive usage of
this
 application.
Therefore
, social networking
sites
 contribute to addiction, which leads to many problems in both social and personal
lives
.
Furthermore
, on these networking applications,
people
 do not depict their true self-image. Generally, most
individuals
 just use them to satisfy themselves and show others how happy they are.
This
 has a significant impact on
society
 as many
people
 compare their
lives
 with those who share it on social platforms.
Consequently
,
individuals
 will begin to feel unhappier because they think they don't have a better life than others.
Thus
, fabrications about
people
's
lives
 pose a significant threat to
society
's happiness. In conclusion, I strongly agree that social networking
sites
 have devastating outcomes
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
society
 and
people
. Being
addictited
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to these applications makes it difficult for
people
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their responsibilities as students can not study enough.
Also
,
lives
 that do not show reality are not healthy for the public as
individuals
 tend to compare with themselves.
Submitted by Yasar Khan on

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task achievement
Develop more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clearer illustrations of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Enhance cohesion by improving the connections between paragraphs. Transition phrases would help guide the reader smoothly through the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the prompt, addressing both individual and societal impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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