IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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It is observed around the globe that people living in the countryside are seeking opportunities in cities, causing a decline in the rural population. I believe the potential benefits outweigh the disadvantages if some problems are settled.
To begin
 with, it should be acknowledged that cities are more likely to evolve with more population. To illustrate
this
, we can view
this
 proposition in two folds. On the one hand, a city is not sustainable by itself. Every urban resident has to serve his/her occupation and everyone needs to be served in terms of living convenience
such
 as traffic, hygiene and food.
For instance
, streets may be short-staffed for maintenance, and new restaurants and grocery stores will perhaps come to exist. The fresh blood can be perfect to fill these blanks.
On the other hand
, when the city grows to a certain size, namely a metropolitan, the radiation effect is more obvious and more individuals will be drawn. Ultimately, the expansion of the city will help to promote the living quality of the population tremendously. It should be stressed that the above advantages are idealistic and the authorities are obligated to take measures to ensure that the legal rights of rural people are not violated.
Firstly
, the original urban residents should be willing to accept that a new group of people are joining their lives and mutual respect needs to be established.
Secondly
, the government can subsidize the
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 whose elder members are left in the countryside, lacking necessary care. A possible solution to
this
 could be building more nursing homes. In conclusion, urbanization is an inevitable trend which brings benefits to everyone involved. But more importantly, measures shall be taken to safely push the fusion forward.
Submitted by micilan on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from including more specific examples to substantiate your points. Concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make your points more persuasive. For instance, mentioning a specific city that has benefitted from rural migration could add depth to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all your ideas are clearly connected. Occasionally, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, explicitly mentioning how the government subsidies might directly improve the situation could help tie your ideas together more cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument and summarize your main points well.
coherence cohesion
Your arguments are mostly well-structured and logically laid out, making it easy for the reader to follow your logic.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented clearly and comprehensively, covering both the benefits and potential drawbacks of rural-to-urban migration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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