IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary schools. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some specialists consider that young
kids
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 must start studying a foreign
language
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 at elementary
school
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instead
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 of secondary
school
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. Many countries started foreign
language
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 education in primary
school
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 for children because it was easy to learn about foreign cultures and develop them. Few countries prefer to start studying foreign
languages
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 in high
school
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. The primary factor contributing to
kids
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' early foreign
language
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 learning is some advantages. The rationale behind
this
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 is that pupils own a second
language
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 with their native
language
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 not difficult.
For example
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, my son studied English since he was six years old. His
school
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 was an international
school
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 in Ulaanbaatar, and his classmates learnt a couple of
languages
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 like native. They never forget their mother tongue.
Therefore
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, it is evident that students communicate with each other in two different
languages
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, and they have
also
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 researched Western culture.
However
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, others believe children should learn foreign
language
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 in high
school
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. They refuse to let young
kids
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 learn different
languages
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. If they decide to learn early,
kids
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 may forget their mother tongue. A clear example is that most high
school
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 students are swamped with studying in their
school
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, and they lack some pronunciation.
For example
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, I started learning English at college. I still haven't learned enough today.
Thus
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, it is obvious that the disadvantages of learning a foreign
language
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 are changing a traditional culture and becoming an imported person. In conclusion, nowadays many schools are teaching pupils different
languages
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. It is an advantage to communicate in the world and become more friendly. As highlighted, the earlier you study, the easier it is to learn.

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task achievement
While the essay presents a clear position on the topic, it could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages in each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences and ideas could be more clearly linked to improve the overall flow. Using more cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases can help.
introduction & conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, clearly stating the main argument and summarizing the key points.
supported main points
The main points are generally supported with relevant examples, which helps to substantiate the arguments made.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is generally sound, with each idea leading into the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Brain plasticity
  • Multicultural awareness
  • Curriculum
  • Globalization
  • Proficiency
  • Linguistic skills
  • Academic performance
  • Mother tongue
  • Bilingualism
  • Foreign language acquisition
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