Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance,such as food and health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Rich
countries
should accept more migrants
and help them in
basic needs Change preposition
with
such
as food and shelter.This
essay strongly agrees with the statement because it gives cheaper labor
to wealthy Change the spelling
labour
countries
and also
creating
career opportunities for the Wrong verb form
creates
migrants
in their
future, Change the word
the
making
a win-win situation for all.
Verb problem
creating
Labor
in rich Change the spelling
Labour
countries
are
always expensive Change the verb form
is
due to
their high living standards.Moreover
,it is observed that people of these countries
view certain jobs as 'low status'.So basically, asylum seekers are the ideal solution of
Change preposition
to
this
problem as they come from an economically unstable part of the world,they can do the same work with less expense compared to the native
but with Goodwill.Fix the agreement mistake
natives
For example
in Britain,if a native is charging £10 per hour the migrants
would be happy with 7 pounds.
Furthermore
allowing more refugees will also
benefit the people of politically unstable and war-torn countries
.The minorities and the individuals that
are victimized politically and religiously could save their lives if they are accepted by developed Correct pronoun usage
who
countries
.For example
one of my friends from Afghanistan and his family were able to save their lives by moving to America after the war ended.They might be
killed if they had stayed.
In Conclusion,I suggest developed Wrong verb form
have been
countries
should adopt more migrants
because it will not only provide them with cheaper labor
but Change the spelling
labour
also
offer people escaping danger the opportunity to rebuild their lives and careers.Submitted by attau6308 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the prompt, but it could be improved by providing more detailed arguments and expanding on certain points.
task achievement
Some ideas could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive perspective. For instance, the economic benefits of migrants could be discussed in more depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but some transitions between points could be smoother to improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking paragraphs more effectively to enhance cohesion and ensuring that each paragraph develops a single clear idea in more depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the main argument, providing a strong closure to the discussion.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided, such as the reference to Britain and Afghanistan, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?