IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and provide them with basic assistance,such as food and health. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Rich
countries
Use synonyms
 should accept more
migrants
Use synonyms
 and help them
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as food and shelter.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with the statement because it gives cheaper
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 to wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
creating
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 career opportunities for the
migrants
Use synonyms
 in
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 future,
making
Verb problem
creating
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 a win-win situation for all.
Labor
Change the spelling
Labour
show examples
 in rich
countries
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 always expensive
due to
Linking Words
 their high living standards.
Moreover
Linking Words
,it is observed that people of these
countries
Use synonyms
 view certain jobs as 'low status'.So basically, asylum seekers are the ideal solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem as they come from an economically unstable part of the world,they can do the same work with less expense compared to the
native
Fix the agreement mistake
natives
show examples
 but with Goodwill.
For example
Linking Words
 in Britain,if a native is charging £10 per hour the
migrants
Use synonyms
 would be happy with 7 pounds.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 allowing more refugees will
also
Linking Words
 benefit the people of politically unstable and war-torn
countries
Use synonyms
.The minorities and the individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are victimized politically and religiously could save their lives if they are accepted by developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
 one of my friends from Afghanistan and his family were able to save their lives by moving to America after the war ended.They might
be
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 killed if they had stayed. In Conclusion,I suggest developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should adopt more
migrants
Use synonyms
 because it will not only provide them with cheaper
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 offer people escaping danger the opportunity to rebuild their lives and careers.

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the prompt, but it could be improved by providing more detailed arguments and expanding on certain points.
task achievement
Some ideas could be elaborated further to provide a more comprehensive perspective. For instance, the economic benefits of migrants could be discussed in more depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but some transitions between points could be smoother to improve the overall flow.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking paragraphs more effectively to enhance cohesion and ensuring that each paragraph develops a single clear idea in more depth.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces the main argument, providing a strong closure to the discussion.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided, such as the reference to Britain and Afghanistan, are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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