IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people have to compete with young people for the same jobs. What problems does the cause? What are some possible solution.

#people #jobs
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days more
people
Use synonyms
 have to compete with
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
in getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 the same job opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 trend creates unemployment
problems
Use synonyms
 and discrimination in
Use synonyms
recruitment
Correct article usage
the recruitment
show examples
process
Use synonyms
 among
middle-age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
. The solution should be arranging proper training and implementing a transparent
recruitment
Use synonyms
process
Use synonyms
.
Middle-age
Correct your spelling
Middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 generally experience unemployment
problems
Use synonyms
 when they compete with their young counterparts in getting
jobs
Use synonyms
. The young
generation
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more proactive and
possess
Correct subject-verb agreement
possesses
show examples
 different sorts of skills than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle-aged
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, middle-aged
people
Use synonyms
 cannot compete with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, middle-aged
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experience discrimination in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recruitment
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 competing with young
people
Use synonyms
. Young
people
Use synonyms
, with their proactiveness and smartness, impress
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interviews
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and achieve the high salary
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the USA, most of the
high salary
Add a hyphen
high-salary
show examples
 positions in the retail industries are
occupying
Wrong verb form
occupied
show examples
 by
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
, because they are smart enough to prove themselves in the interviews and achieve the position. The solution
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 these
problems
Use synonyms
 is preparing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
middle-age
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 with proper training opportunities. If they get proper guidelines in the
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
, they can easily find out their shortcomings and make them well-prepared for the interviews.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a fair
recruitment
Use synonyms
 procedure should be ensured for both groups. If the
recruitment
Use synonyms
process
Use synonyms
 is transparent, only the candidate who is eligible regardless of his age, will get the job.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey in the UK, in 2023, revealed that when a fair
recruitment
Use synonyms
process
Use synonyms
 ensures, employees get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jobs
Use synonyms
 based on their performance, not their age. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 experience unemployment
problems
Use synonyms
 and discrimination
while
Linking Words
 competing with their young counterparts in getting the same
jobs
Use synonyms
. A fair
recruitment
Use synonyms
 system and training opportunities can solve these
problems
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Address all parts of the task evenly by detailing both the problems and the solutions comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical clarity and flow of your ideas by using a variety of linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to better support your main points.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to improve the structure and clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively summarizes the essay's topic and presents the main points to be discussed.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay by reiterating the problems and the proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with separate paragraphs for problems and solutions, which enhances readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Unfulfilling job
  • Mental health
  • Physical health
  • Financial stability
  • Job security
  • Societal norms
  • Career choices
  • Pursuing passion
  • Practicality
  • Personal growth
  • Skill development
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: