IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
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It is an eternal paradox that the
resources
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 at our disposal are limited,
while
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 we have numerous projects desperately needing these
resources
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. How to allocate
resources
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 between motorways and railways is not an exception. From my perspective, society should invest more in public
transport
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systems
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 as
this
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 suggests both a caress for the disadvantaged and the determination to protect the environment. It is easy to understand why the inclination of
resources
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 on railways can protect the environment.
According to
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 the latest report from the UN, waste from cars is one of the most serious air pollutants that has worsened the Greenhouse Effect.
Hence
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, if we lead more people to use private cars less often by providing sophisticated and convenient public
transport
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systems
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, we are definitely making contributions to the improvement of the environment. Apart from reducing air pollution, enhancing public
transport
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systems
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 can
also
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 suggest human caring for the disadvantaged,
such
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 as those workers in developing countries. They usually struggle on the subsistence line, and it is more desirable for them to improve public
transport
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systems
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 rather than construct roads for cars which they can not afford. Admittedly everyone’s needs are worthwhile to be considered, including the wealthy, but the bottom line of civilisations is decided by our caring for vulnerable groups.
Therefore
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, I am inclined to build more railways. To summarise, given that spending public money on public
transport
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systems
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 can not only alleviate the Greenhouse Effect but
also
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 improve the living conditions of the vulnerable, I argue that
this
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 investment deserves to be considered seriously and carefully.
Submitted by hx88375757 on

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task achievement
Consider using more specific examples to add more weight to the arguments presented. For instance, mentioning specific countries or cities that have benefited from improved public transportation systems could enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is coherent, further emphasis on linking different sections together and ensuring a tighter flow would improve it. For example, explicitly mentioning how improved public transport has directly benefited the environment or disadvantaged individuals in separate segments could strengthen the cohesion.
general
There are a few minor language inaccuracies, such as 'a caress for the disadvantaged,' which should be 'care for the disadvantaged.' Paying more attention to these small details can elevate the quality of the writing.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument in favor of investing in public transport systems over roads and motorways.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion aptly summarizes the main points.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are maintained throughout the essay through logical progression and smooth transitions.
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