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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

t has become more common for people to move to other countries for business. While there are some advantages that children can gain from this trend, it is often believed that children can have negative impacts. I believe that the benefits will outweigh the since children are more motivated to speak multiple languages despite the fact that they often suffer from a sense of isolation caused by their frequent moves.

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On the one hand,
children
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 are able to gain incredible advantages from an educational perspective as they are more likely to gain the ability to speak different tongues.
In other words
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, those who have settled in different nations will become more fluent in various languages around the world. In fact, their growing needs to communicate with natives make it more essential to acquire their tongues so they can establish an intimate relationship.
Thus
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, language abilities are significant, allowing them to express their feelings and ideas to understand mutual differences to work cooperatively at school.
Furthermore
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, their language skills not only determine whether they can make close friends whom they can trust or not but
also
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 their academic performance since their grades are hugely affected by the individual ability to explain in an analytical and critical way.
Therefore
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,
such
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 pressing situations they deal with in daily life will make them more encouraged to absorb language skills at a more accelerating speed than those who settle in their own country.
On the other hand
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, there are some potential harms that
children
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 will experience from their move to foreign nations because they frequently suffer from the feeling of isolation and loneliness. Indeed, it must be quite demanding for small
children
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 to get
along with
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 others, whose lifestyles and languages are different from their own.
Moreover
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, cultural differences often make it hard for foreign settlers to understand what they are expected by native people.
For instance
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, Japanese students often deal with the hardship of attending classes in the United States as they are suddenly required to verbalize their thoughts to exchange with other students through discussions and presentations.
This
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 style of learning is quite different from Japanese traditional education, where they are often expected to sit quietly and take notes as they listen to teachers' lectures.
As a result
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, they are overwhelmed by a great shock and
a
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confusion, not knowing what to do, which will lead to
the
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separation from others. In conclusion, I believe there are more benefits to
children
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 when they move to various nations, where they are more promoted to improve their skills to communicate with those with diverse backgrounds.
However
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, they often have to go through a difficult moment when they feel isolated in a society whose culture is different from theirs.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines both sides of the argument. Strengthening your thesis statement can add clarity to your position.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, strive to make your sentences more concise and to the point. This can make your arguments stronger and more comprehensible.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional words and phrases, such as 'moreover,' 'in addition,' and 'consequently,' to create smoother links between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clear and logical structure within each paragraph. Make sure that all parts of the paragraph contribute directly to your main idea.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both the advantages and disadvantages of relocating to a foreign country for children, demonstrating an ability to think from multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and functional, summarizing the main points of the essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, with relevant examples used to illustrate your arguments.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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