Some think that too much attention and too many resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
believe that if
wildlife
gets much
attention
and
resources
, they will get proper protection. I completely agree with
this
viewpoint because only proper
attention
can get
wildlife
to be protected. What
wildlife
mostly requires is proper
attention
, care and
resources
both from the government and the public. Only proper
attention
can help to circulate the conditions of the
animals
in forests and animal conservation centres among the public. If
people
know the needs and sufferings of the
animals
and birds, they will become courageous to protect them from danger. Proper distribution of
resources
can
also
help the government to take action regarding animal protection. Proper
guideline
Fix the agreement mistake
guidelines
show examples
should be implemented about how
resources
will be utilized.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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National Geographic telecasts the sufferings of the
animals
in the London
zoo
Capitalize word
Zoo
show examples
, and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
general
people
and the government learn about that and take
required
Add an article
the required
show examples
action.
Moreover
, only proper
attention
can raise awareness among the public regarding animal welfare. If
people
understand the necessity of
animals
for the welfare of the environment and human civilization, they will become protective
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
them. Only proper
attention
can help to achieve
this
. If any
animals
do not get proper
attention
from the
news
media,
people
will become
unware
Correct your spelling
unaware
show examples
about
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of
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their actual conditions.
For instance
, in the USA,
news
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
are very
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
about telecasting
news
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife
, and that has contributed to
save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
Emus and other endangered
animals
from extinction. In conclusion, only proper
attention
from the
news
media can save and protect
wildlife
.
People
should be aware of how to protect them, and how to utilize
resources
to protect them.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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introduction
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines your main points more explicitly. A concise thesis statement followed by a summary of the main points can make the essay more engaging right from the start.
logical structure
To further enhance the coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases. This will help make the essay flow more naturally and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
supporting points
While you have provided some examples, adding more specific data or studies can make your argument stronger. For instance, mentioning specific initiatives or statistical improvements in wildlife conservation can add more depth to your points.
task achievement
Your task response is commendable. You clearly agree with the statement and provide logical reasons to support your viewpoint.
coherence
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of your argument, which adds to the overall coherence.
examples
Your use of relevant examples like the National Geographic and news media coverage shows a good understanding of the topic. These examples make your points more relatable and strong.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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