Some think that too much attention and too many resources are given to protection of wild animals and birds. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some general
people
believe that if wildlife
gets much attention
and resources
, they will get proper protection. I completely agree with this
viewpoint because only proper attention
can get wildlife
to be protected.
What wildlife
mostly requires is proper attention
, care and resources
both from the government and the public. Only proper attention
can help to circulate the conditions of the animals
in forests and animal conservation centres among the public. If people
know the needs and sufferings of the animals
and birds, they will become courageous to protect them from danger. Proper distribution of resources
can also
help the government to take action regarding animal protection. Proper guideline
should be implemented about how Fix the agreement mistake
guidelines
resources
will be utilized. For example
, the
National Geographic telecasts the sufferings of the Correct article usage
apply
animals
in the London zoo
, andCapitalize word
Zoo
Correct article usage
the
people
and the government learn about that and take required
action.
Add an article
the required
Moreover
, only proper attention
can raise awareness among the public regarding animal welfare. If people
understand the necessity of animals
for the welfare of the environment and human civilization, they will become protective about
them. Only proper Change preposition
of
attention
can help to achieve this
. If any animals
do not get proper attention
from the news
media, people
will become unware
Correct your spelling
unaware
about
their actual conditions. Change preposition
of
For instance
, in the USA, news
medias
are very Correct your spelling
media
concern
about telecasting Replace the word
concerned
news
about the
Correct article usage
apply
wildlife
, and that has contributed to save
Emus and other endangered Change the verb form
saving
animals
from extinction.
In conclusion, only proper attention
from the news
media can save and protect wildlife
. People
should be aware of how to protect them, and how to utilize resources
to protect them.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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introduction
Your essay would benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines your main points more explicitly. A concise thesis statement followed by a summary of the main points can make the essay more engaging right from the start.
logical structure
To further enhance the coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied transitional phrases. This will help make the essay flow more naturally and help the reader follow your argument more easily.
supporting points
While you have provided some examples, adding more specific data or studies can make your argument stronger. For instance, mentioning specific initiatives or statistical improvements in wildlife conservation can add more depth to your points.
task achievement
Your task response is commendable. You clearly agree with the statement and provide logical reasons to support your viewpoint.
coherence
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of your argument, which adds to the overall coherence.
examples
Your use of relevant examples like the National Geographic and news media coverage shows a good understanding of the topic. These examples make your points more relatable and strong.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite