Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is being argued that details of politicians' private lives should be published in the press as newspapers and magazines. In my opinion, I strenuously disagree with
this
idea, because I think that in our society we should keep privacy and respect for
each other’s lifestyles as a well-mannered human.
Change preposition
apply
Firstly
, there are a majority of people who do not want to show their own life
to other people because of their securing rights and freedoms. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Also
, most of these people try to keep balance
between being political in their job and being Add an article
a balance
the balance
father
or mother in their house. Correct article usage
a father
For example
, Paul Ryan gave an interview in the Geopolitics of Business Newsletter and said that you can be in the same position as employee
and breadwinner in your family, and without having any problems.
Correct article usage
an employee
Secondly
, there are a number of reasons why we can not perform our way of life,
because it can be used during the investigation of scams or suffer cruel Remove the comma
apply
persecutions
. Fix the agreement mistake
persecution
Nevertheless
, newspapers or magazines can not give certainty. For example
, we have a lot of countries which are found with cruel persecution and there are dangerous nations like North Korea, Somalia, Libya, Eritrea, and Yemen that have the highest rates of reported persecution from the Worldwide Security Department.
In conclusion, while
there are a few benefits of reporting politicians’ private information, I do not agree that this
should be published by the media to some extent.This
can protect the government’s employees to live
and make sure that they are safe and sound Verb problem
apply
more
secureCorrect word choice
and more
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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task achievement
You have provided a clear position on the topic and maintained it throughout the essay. However, the examples used could be more relevant and specific to strengthen your arguments. Try to choose examples that directly relate to the points you make.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but there needs to be a stronger connection between some of your points. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally into the next, possibly by using more transitional phrases and connecting sentences.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical and vocabulary errors which affect the clarity and readability of your essay. It can be helpful to proofread your work or use tools to check for errors. Additionally, varying your sentence structure can make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps present your argument in a structured manner.
task achievement
You have shown the ability to develop your arguments with supporting details, even if the examples could be more relevant.