IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some
people
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 believe that humans of all age groups should shell out
money
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 for later use.
This
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 essay agrees that saving
money
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 for the future might prevent being broke and lead to happiness;
Firstly
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, a person would be able to ensure their own family and afford almost everything even if they wasted their cash, as they would have extra
money
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;
secondly
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, by having extra
money
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 on balance,
people
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 may feel themselves more confident and less stressed about financial shortage.
Overall
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, all humans, even rich businessmen, have a tendency to be broke or not have
money
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 when they really need it.
Therefore
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, it is preferable to save up
money
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 and invest it on many occasions
such
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 as education or real estate rather than borrowing cash to afford significant needs. Some
people
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 take out loans when they lack funds,
however
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,
in
Change preposition
apply
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the next time, especially, young families may have difficulties with closing loans already with some additional
percent
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per cent
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.
For instance
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, my uncle used to save up
money
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 believing that one day he would spend it on more essential things, so, he used to save some of his salary
money
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,
then
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, fortunately, when he moved to the megapolis he bought a new car and a flat and he had not taken any
money
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 from his parents. Obviously, confidence and satisfaction always have led to an obsession with work and breakthrough discoveries because a person with
money
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 less thinks about ensuring themselves or their family. Eventually, well-paid
people
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 may be more productive and have clear minds. Despite the fact that
money
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 is not a key to happiness, nowadays cash determines
people
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's financial levels and to avoid losing all properties, it is better always to have some
money
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 research done by Nazarbayev University's professors, the more things
people
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 are sure to able to afford, the more satisfied they are,
also
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, students and employees who have more additional
money
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 in their balances are more concentrated and productive in
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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. In conclusion, all humans should be ready to provide for themselves in all life situations and try to save some
money
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 for their future, if they want to be happy and have great lives.

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tone style
Try to maintain a consistent tone throughout the essay. While your points about saving money and financial security are clear, ensure you avoid emotionally charged language that might detract from the academic style of writing.
sentence structure
While the essay is overall clear, you may want to tighten some sentences structure to enhance clarity. Breaking complex sentences into simpler ones can prevent any potential confusion.
cohesion
Consider introducing a few more transition phrases to make the essay flow more naturally and guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
introduction
The introduction is well-crafted, clearly stating your position on the issue of saving money for the future.
examples
You have supported your main points with relevant examples, such as the example of your uncle, which strengthens your argument.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up the main points discussed in the essay and reiterates your argument clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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