IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #devices #smartphones #tablets #phones
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In recent years, most
people
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 around the world have tended to use technological
devices
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 in common. Personally, I insist that they are tremendous boons toward
people
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.
However
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, there are some drawbacks that can not be ignored; supporting will be illustrated in the following paragraphs: On the one hand, technology
devices
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 eliminate the communication of
people
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 in real life.
People
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 often spend their time with stories that interest them and lack conversations with their socials.
For instance
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, members of tremendous families usually attend on their
smartphones
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 in their interest topics and are less interested in conversations with their parents–leading to different attitudes and misunderstandings between them;
in addition
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,
misinformations
Fix the agreement mistake
misinformation
show examples
 causes
people
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 harm by social bullies. These days,
people
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 are able to obtain a lot of fake news which leads to expressing opinions in the wrong ways–causing stress and anxiety by social bullies.
On the other hand
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, technology
devices
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 support education. Most children have tended to learn their lessons through online platforms. Tablets and
smartphones
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 are the necessary
devices
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 to study.
For example
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, students usually use online applications
such
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 as Google Meet, and Zoom to study with their teachers in real time
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes them able to study at home and reduces the cost of transportation.
Moreover
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,
people
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 employ electronic
devices
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 for entertainment. Tablets and
smartphones
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 are designed and added functions to support online streaming applications. Most
people
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 usually listen to music and watch movies on their
smartphones
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 because it is convenient and gives them experiences like the theatre or the television. As I mentioned, technological
devices
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 have some drawbacks. Especially the lack of communication between
people
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 and social bullies.
However
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, there are other factors of tremendous boons that need to be considered. Particularly, support education and entertainment.
Therefore
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, if
people
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 use electronic
devices
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 in the right ways, it will have a lot of benefits for them.
Submitted by jeebjib14 on

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coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing ideas more effectively into clear, distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should lead smoothly to the next, enhancing readability.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas more comprehensive and detailed. Expanding on each point will help the reader understand your perspectives more clearly.
task achievement
Good job presenting both advantages and disadvantages of technological devices. This balanced approach effectively addresses the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-stated, clearly presenting and summarizing your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples, such as the usage of Google Meet and Zoom for educational purposes, to support your points.
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