Many people think technological devices such as smartphones, tablets and mobile phones bring more disadvantages than advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent years, most
people
around the world have tended to use technological devices
in common. Personally, I insist that they are tremendous boons toward people
. However
, there are some drawbacks that can not be ignored; supporting will be illustrated in the following paragraphs:
On the one hand, technology devices
eliminate the communication of people
in real life. People
often spend their time with stories that interest them and lack conversations with their socials. For instance
, members of tremendous families usually attend on their smartphones
in their interest topics and are less interested in conversations with their parents–leading to different attitudes and misunderstandings between them; in addition
, misinformations
causes Fix the agreement mistake
misinformation
people
harm by social bullies. These days, people
are able to obtain a lot of fake news which leads to expressing opinions in the wrong ways–causing stress and anxiety by social bullies.
On the other hand
, technology devices
support education. Most children have tended to learn their lessons through online platforms. Tablets and smartphones
are the necessary devices
to study. For example
, students usually use online applications such
as Google Meet, and Zoom to study with their teachers in real time that
makes them able to study at home and reduces the cost of transportation. Correct pronoun usage
which
Moreover
, people
employ electronic devices
for entertainment. Tablets and smartphones
are designed and added functions to support online streaming applications. Most people
usually listen to music and watch movies on their smartphones
because it is convenient and gives them experiences like the theatre or the television.
As I mentioned, technological devices
have some drawbacks. Especially the lack of communication between people
and social bullies. However
, there are other factors of tremendous boons that need to be considered. Particularly, support education and entertainment. Therefore
, if people
use electronic devices
in the right ways, it will have a lot of benefits for them.Submitted by jeebjib14 on
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coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical structure of your essay by organizing ideas more effectively into clear, distinct paragraphs. Each paragraph should lead smoothly to the next, enhancing readability.
task achievement
Work on making your ideas more comprehensive and detailed. Expanding on each point will help the reader understand your perspectives more clearly.
task achievement
Good job presenting both advantages and disadvantages of technological devices. This balanced approach effectively addresses the essay prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-stated, clearly presenting and summarizing your arguments.
task achievement
You provided relevant specific examples, such as the usage of Google Meet and Zoom for educational purposes, to support your points.
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