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Band 4

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be printed in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians’ #lives #newspapers
Many say that the personal lives of
politicians
 should not be released in
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
.
This
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
 statement, because making private details public would reveal the truth or maybe even
crimes
 made by political leaders that we are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
. Revealing their secrets will
also
 intimidate other
politicians
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to commit
crimes
 because of the fear of being exposed to the public. Transparency in
politicians
 lives will prevent major corruption
crimes
 that they are hiding from the people.
Politicians
 hold positions of power and influence on millions so citizens have a fair right to know if the
governors
Change to a genitive case
governor's
governors'
show examples
 actions contradict their policies.
For example
, Bishimbaev’s trial clearly demonstrates how rotten
politicians
 can be and that we never know what is hidden behind the curtains.
Furthermore
, showing their true selves will make other statesmen more scared of doing something illegal behind the scenes. Public exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their actions can serve as a bad example that others would not want to follow.
For instance
, the report made by BBC
news
Capitalize word
News
show examples
 shows that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate among the ministers is lower when there are paparazzi following them. In conclusion, not only does the exposure
displays
Correct subject-verb agreement
display
show examples
 the true nature of the
politicians
, but
also
 shows the consequences of hiding their
crimes
 for their colleagues.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or case studies to bolster your arguments. This will add substance to your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of transitional phrases to improve the natural flow of your essay. This will help to better connect your ideas and ensure the essay reads smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have provided clear and comprehensive ideas on why the private lives of politicians should be made public, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
What to do next:
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