IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some governments say how many children a family can have in their country. They may control the number of children someone has through taxes. It is sometimes necessary and right for a government to control the population in this way. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer.

#governments #children #country #control #someone #taxes #right #government #population
Nowadays, many
families
 like to have more children in their houses.
Moreover
, almost all of them suffer from it since they cannot afford the cost of it.
Therefore
, some governments want to
control
 the number of children in each family through taxes. Many people would argue that it will only put more burden on their
families
 and it will take their freedom to have
kids
. In my opinion, it would be good if there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 rules to restrict the number of their children. For many people, having
decendants
Correct your spelling
descendants
dependents
 in their
families
 is happiness and freedom. Sequentially, they want to create their
families
 without any restrictions from the
government
. For some of them, the regulations will reduce their dreams to ashes since having many
kids
 is their
desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it will
control
 the spending of each family, and it will give each family the feeling of guilt if they want to have more
kids
 than
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
.
Moreover
, it will improve their family’s qualities because they will have many resources to save. In general, raising a kid is a hobby too for some folks. So, they will not agree to the
government
's actions to restrict their hobbies. Some of them will rebel and ignore the rules.
As a result
, crimes will increase and loans will bloat. Yet, without the
control
 from the
government
, it will reduce their quality of life as they are ignorant and do not care about their capabilities. In conclusion,
government
control
 for each family population is needed at some point. Yet, some of them do not want to be restricted since having
kids
 is a symbol of freedom for them.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are clearly linked within and between paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases effectively can improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This can strengthen your essay and make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure that all the parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Discuss both sides of the argument in depth and clearly state your position.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion and provided some arguments to support it.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a discernible structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • social problems
  • environmental problems
  • sustainable future
  • population growth
  • poverty alleviation
  • resource strain
  • government intervention
  • imbalances
  • individual rights
  • education
  • family planning
  • comprehensive research
  • analysis
What to do next:
Look at other essays: