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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph gives information about the number of people who were in emergency care of different ages at hospital in Northern Ireland in the same of month December of the year 2016 and 2017.

The bar graph gives information about the number of people who were in emergency care of different ages at hospital in Northern Ireland in the same of month December of the year 2016 and 2017.
#bar #information #people #emergency #care #ages #ireland #month #december #year
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The bar graph gives information about the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who were in emergency care of different ages at
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 in Northern Ireland in the same
of
Change preposition
apply
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month December of the year 2016 and 2017. In general, the youngest and the oldest were these
groups
Use synonyms
 which had highest
people
Use synonyms
 for emergency care in these months.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
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 in December 2017 were slightly higher than in the month
last
Linking Words
 year. It is clearly seen that babies who were under 5 and
the
Correct your spelling
those
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 aged 75 and over
people
Use synonyms
 had higher
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 than other
groups
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 but the
people
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 who were over 74 accounted for the highest point, at around 64 attendances per 1000 population. Turning to the other
groups
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 of age, the
people
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 who were 5 -15 had the lowest
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
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 who came to emergency care, just stood at slightly over 20.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
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 16 – 74
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 a similar pattern. That
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groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 had approximately 32
people
Use synonyms
 who had to visit
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
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 in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 months of 2016 and 2017.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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