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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar graph gives information about the number of people who were in emergency care of different ages at hospital in Northern Ireland in the same of month December of the year 2016 and 2017.

The bar graph gives information about the number of people who were in emergency care of different ages at hospital in Northern Ireland in the same of month December of the year 2016 and 2017.
#bar #information #people #emergency #care #ages #ireland #month #december #year
The bar graph gives information about the number of
people
 who were in emergency care of different ages at
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 in Northern Ireland in the same
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
month December of the year 2016 and 2017. In general, the youngest and the oldest were these
groups
 which had highest
people
 for emergency care in these months.
In addition
, the
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
show examples
 in December 2017 were slightly higher than in the month
last
 year. It is clearly seen that babies who were under 5 and
the
Correct your spelling
those
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 aged 75 and over
people
 had higher
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 than other
groups
 but the
people
 who were over 74 accounted for the highest point, at around 64 attendances per 1000 population. Turning to the other
groups
 of age, the
people
 who were 5 -15 had the lowest
patients
Correct quantifier usage
number of patients
show examples
 who came to emergency care, just stood at slightly over 20.
Moreover
,
aged
Correct pronoun usage
those aged
show examples
 16 – 74
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
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 a similar pattern. That
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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 had approximately 32
people
 who had to visit
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
 in
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 months of 2016 and 2017.
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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