Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#say #health #medicines #lifestyle

Some argue that the most effective way of tackling public health concerns is by investing in new medicines,

while

others believe that

promotion

Correct article usage

the promotion

show examples

of a healthier lifestyle is better.

Although

this

might tackle

few

Correct article usage

a few

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diseases at

core

Add an article

the core

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, putting in more money for

innovation

Correct article usage

the innovation

show examples

of medical pills is a strive towards eradicating incurable health conditions. Indeed, a good way of living

Change the verb form

does

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prevent some negative physiological symptoms from ever occurring in the first place. Avoiding rich and oily food prevents blood cholesterol from forming up ever, thereby reducing the risk of

heart-attacks

Correct your spelling

heart attacks

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. Getting timely and proper sleep helps in decreasing stress levels. Staying fit and

excercising

Correct your spelling

exercising

daily keeps muscles toned and powerful,

this

stop

Change the verb form

stops

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any

orthopedic

Change the spelling

orthopaedic

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ailments from ever happening.

However

, it is still not enough to tackle many instances like sudden fatal accidents or life-threatening diseases.

For

this

reason, investments in modern drugs

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are

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crucial. As money comes into the medical

faternity

Correct your spelling

fraternity

, more research and development can happen in creating certain pills and tablets that can do away with deadly maladies just by consuming orally or via injections.

For instance

, big corporations have provided a lot of capital to R&D firms for Cancer treatment.

Finally

Add a comma

Finally,

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in 2023, the world received

an incredible news

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incredible news

a piece of incredible news

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about a medicine approved by

FDA

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the FDA

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that can completely treat pancreatic cancer.

This

is why, I believe it is of paramount importance that we encourage more money to be put in here. In conclusion, promoting haleness is not going to end major problems in public health, rather, more funds deployment in modern medicine innovation will.

Submitted by majumdarnilesh21 on Mon Sep 09 2024

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task response

Ensure all points are fully developed with adequate reasoning and examples. Your points were good, but elaboration on them would enhance the essay further.

task response

Work on the clarity of some ideas, as a few sentences were a bit awkwardly phrased. Clearer sentence structures can make your argument more compelling.

coherence and cohesion

While the essay is cohesive, ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Consider using more transitional words or phrases to enhance fluency.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion is concise but could reiterate the key points more effectively. Strengthen your concluding paragraph to leave a stronger final impression.

coherence and cohesion

The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps provide a clear structure.

task response

Specific examples, such as the reference to the FDA-approved medicine for pancreatic cancer, were very effective in supporting your arguments.

task response

The arguments presented were balanced, discussing both views before giving a reasoned opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some say the best way to deal with public health issues is to invest in developing new medicines. Others say that a better way is to promote a healthy lifestyle. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.

IN SOME COUNTRIES, THERE HAS BEEN AN INCREASE IN THE NUMBER OF PARENTS WHO ARE CHOOSING TO EDUCATE THEIR CHILDRENTEHMSELVES AT HOME INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM TO SCHOOL. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF HOME EDUCATION OUTWEIGHT THE DISADVANTAGES.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people argue that immigrants should adopt the local culture when immigrating to a new country. An alternative view is that they can adapt to a new environment by establishing a minority community. Discuss both views and give your opinion.