Television dominates the free time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others – Do you Agree or disagree ?..
Some
people
may argue that TV
can lead to lazyness
and discourage Correct your spelling
laziness
people
to socialize
with each other, Change preposition
from socializing
while
other people
see televition
as Correct your spelling
television
an
entertainment and it's a must to have during the day. Remove the article
apply
This
esay
will argue that Correct your spelling
essay
TV
is
can be really Unnecessary verb
apply
harmfull
for human Correct your spelling
harmful
being
.
On Fix the agreement mistake
beings
one
hand, Correct article usage
the one
televition
can be really useful and Correct your spelling
television
people
can learn bunch
of things Add an article
a bunch
while
watching it. for
example
there are some Add a comma
example,
chaneles
that airing programs about Correct your spelling
channels
changes
Correct article usage
the invironment
invironment
, health, and lots of other learning Correct your spelling
environment
environmental
meterials
Correct your spelling
materials
Change preposition
from where
where
the viewers can benefit from. In Correct word choice
which
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
human
should have an entertainment system during Fix the agreement mistake
humans
thier
day to bring joy and rest after a day of work. at least Correct your spelling
their
that is
my perspective.
On the other hand
, others can abuse the use of TV
and over use
it, and that for sure is a bad thing. Correct your spelling
overuse
for instance
if someone is using the televition
Correct your spelling
television
more
than six hours and all he watches is Change preposition
for more
program
that can not be useful so Add an article
a program
what
ever like football and sport in Correct pronoun usage
whatever
genral
he is with no doubt wasting his time and energy. Correct your spelling
general
Furthermore
being alone in front of the TV
all the time could harm humans as it prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
people
from socialising with one another, and that could lead to mental problems as well social
skills problems.
Correct word choice
as social
To sum up
all the above, televition
can be very helpful and used as a learning device, but the Correct your spelling
television
usege
of the majority is Correct your spelling
usage
use
abusing
. Replace the word
abuse
therefor
, Correct your spelling
Therefore
TV
as
Correct word choice
apply
it self
is a Correct your spelling
itself
benefisial
divice but the way Correct your spelling
beneficial
poeple useing
it is what Correct your spelling
people use
made
it Wrong verb form
makes
harmfull
.Correct your spelling
harmful
Submitted by azozalsoby2014 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully with clear examples. For instance, you can strengthen your argument by contrasting different types of TV content more explicitly.
task achievement
Work on fixing grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance clarity. For example, 'bunch of things' can be replaced with 'many things' and 'televition' should be corrected to 'television.'
task achievement
You can make your introduction more persuasive by clearly stating your position at the end of the first paragraph, e.g., 'This essay argues that television can be really harmful for human beings due to its potential to lead to laziness and social isolation.'
task achievement
You have identified both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps structure your essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!