Television dominates the free time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others – Do you Agree or disagree ?..

#television #time #people

Some

people

may argue that

can lead to

lazyness

Correct your spelling

laziness

and discourage

people

to socialize

Change preposition

from socializing

show examples

with each other,

while

other

people

see

televition

Correct your spelling

television

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment and it's a must to have during the day.

This

esay

Correct your spelling

essay

will argue that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

can be really

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

for human

being

Fix the agreement mistake

beings

show examples

. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand,

televition

Correct your spelling

television

can be really useful and

people

can learn

bunch

Add an article

a bunch

show examples

of things

while

watching it.

for

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

there are some

chaneles

Correct your spelling

channels

changes

that airing programs about

Correct article usage

the invironment

show examples

invironment

Correct your spelling

environment

environmental

, health, and lots of other learning

meterials

Correct your spelling

materials

Change preposition

from where

show examples

where

Correct word choice

which

show examples

the viewers can benefit from. In

addtion

Correct your spelling

addition

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

should have an entertainment system during

thier

Correct your spelling

their

day to bring joy and rest after a day of work. at least

that is

my perspective.

On the other hand

, others can abuse the use of

and

over use

Correct your spelling

overuse

show examples

it, and that for sure is a bad thing.

for instance

if someone is using the

televition

Correct your spelling

television

Change preposition

for more

show examples

than six hours and all he watches is

program

Add an article

a program

show examples

that can not be useful so

what

Correct pronoun usage

whatever

show examples

ever like football and sport in

genral

Correct your spelling

general

he is with no doubt wasting his time and energy.

Furthermore

being alone in front of the

all the time could harm humans as it

prevent

Change the verb form

prevents

show examples

people

from socialising with one another, and that could lead to mental problems as well

social

Correct word choice

as social

show examples

skills problems.

To sum up

all the above,

televition

Correct your spelling

television

can be very helpful and used as a learning device, but the

usege

Correct your spelling

usage

use

of the majority is

abusing

Replace the word

abuse

show examples

therefor

Correct your spelling

Therefore

show examples

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

it self

Correct your spelling

itself

show examples

is a

benefisial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

divice but the way

poeple useing

Correct your spelling

people use

it is what

made

Wrong verb form

makes

show examples

harmfull

Correct your spelling

harmful

Submitted by azozalsoby2014 on Mon Sep 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and develops it fully with clear examples. For instance, you can strengthen your argument by contrasting different types of TV content more explicitly.

task achievement

Work on fixing grammatical errors and sentence structure to enhance clarity. For example, 'bunch of things' can be replaced with 'many things' and 'televition' should be corrected to 'television.'

task achievement

You can make your introduction more persuasive by clearly stating your position at the end of the first paragraph, e.g., 'This essay argues that television can be really harmful for human beings due to its potential to lead to laziness and social isolation.'

task achievement

You have identified both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which helps structure your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
There is an idea which says tobacco has to be dealt with the same as other drugs. this idea believes that smoking due to numerous adverse effects with no benefits on the other side has to be banned. In my opinion, this idea is highly recommended and its feasibility needs to be evaluated.
5.5
band
The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Government should discourage people from constantly buying up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Products, in general, are made of raw materials and some of them can be recycled and some are not. This, in fact, raises concerns about a significant decrease in natural resources and some people argue that the government should provide practical solutions on how to deal with future up-to-date or fashionable products to reduce natural resource consumption. In my opinion, I strongly agree with this argument and this essay will outline the solutions that the government should deal with this issue.
6.5
band
Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.
While History is considered by many one of the most crucial academic subjects, others believe that nowadays Technology and Science have taken the place of History in terms of importance. In my point of view, I firmly believe that today's developments in science and technology owe their advancements to history, therefore this subject should maintain its importance in the academic curriculum.
6
band
In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?
It is true that an increasing number of people are keen on researching their family history. There are many reasons which lead to this trend. In my opinion, this development is positive.
<4
band
Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?
All countries have its own streets rules. However, numerous drivers don't follow them. It seems to me that they don't follow the instructions to arrive faster and a lot other reasons. Hance, government should apply more rules and penalties to stop and be sure that every driver is follwing them and that will solve the issue.

Television dominates the free time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others – Do you Agree or disagree ?..

Your opinion

Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.

The world is consuming natural resources faster than they can be renewed. Therefore, it is important that products are made to last. Government should discourage people from constantly buying up-to-date or fashionable products. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history.

In some parts of the world it is becoming popular to research the history of one's own family. Why might people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Every country in the world has its own road rules, but many drivers don’t obey them. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?