some parents are worried about the increasing level of violence in tv, video games and other types of entertainment for children's leisure how does this affect children how do you think this problem can be tackled?

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Nowadays, many
parents
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are concerned about the increasing level of violence in television, video games, and other forms of entertainment for
children
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.
This
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trend can have a negative impact on
children
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’s
behaviour
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, and effective measures are required to address
this
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issue. Exposure to violent content can encourage aggressive
behaviour
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in
children
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. At a young age,
children
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are still developing their understanding of right and wrong, and they may imitate what they see on screen.
For example
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,
children
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who frequently watch violent movies or play aggressive video games may copy
such
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behaviour
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in real life,
such
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as fighting with classmates over minor disagreements. Over time,
this
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can lead to the development of harmful habits and reduced empathy towards others. To tackle
this
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problem,
parents
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play a crucial role.
Firstly
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, they should monitor and limit the type of content their
children
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consume. By setting restrictions on violent media,
parents
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can reduce its negative influence.
Secondly
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, they should educate
children
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about the difference between reality and fiction, helping them understand that
such
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actions are not acceptable in real life.
Additionally
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, encouraging participation in sports and other physical activities can provide healthier alternatives and promote positive
behaviour
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. In conclusion, violent content in entertainment can negatively affect
children
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’s development by promoting aggressive
behaviour
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.
However
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, with proper guidance and supervision from
parents
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,
this
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issue can be effectively managed.

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task response
For task response, you answer both parts of the question, but you can add one more clear effect on children, like fear or less care for others.
task response
For task response, your example is good, but it is a bit general. Add one more real and clear example to make your idea stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow. To get a higher score, you can link ideas in a more varied way, not only with words like firstly, secondly, and additionally.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph has a clear job, but you can develop the main idea a little more before moving to the next point.
task response
For task response, you answer the full question and stay on the topic all the time.
task response
For task response, your ideas are clear and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your paragraphs are in a good order and easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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