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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should •

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should •
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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of world
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 rates in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 year, separated
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 groups by region and gender.
Overall
Linking Words
,
highest
Add an article
the highest
show examples
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is in South
Asia
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developed countries.
Females
Use synonyms
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is higher than
males
Use synonyms
. Some regions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 big gaps between
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 like East
Asia
Use synonyms
/Oceania,
while
Linking Words
 some regions
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 smaller gaps between
males
Use synonyms
 and
females
Use synonyms
 like Latin
American
Replace the word
America
show examples
/Caribbean. South
Asia
Use synonyms
 has the highest
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more than 50%
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
females
Use synonyms
 and more than 30%
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
males
Use synonyms
. After South
Asia
Use synonyms
, the second highest
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 belongs to Arab States with approximately 50% in
females
Use synonyms
 and almost 30%
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
males
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Females
Change noun form
Females'
Female's
show examples
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is higher than
males
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every region. Latin American/Caribbean has the lowest male and female
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 gap, both male and female
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 is around 10%.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 East
Asia
Use synonyms
/Oceania has the highest gap between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
illiteracy
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
 with under 10%
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
males
Use synonyms
 and 20%
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
females
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words illiteracy, rate, asia, females, males with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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