Some people think that it is better to other countries for greater work and life opportunities. Others argue that it is best to stay in their home country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously talked about among various individuals and groups, and one prominent topic is immigration. There are even
people
who believe that dwelling in other countries are wonderful selection for life experiences and work opportunities
while
others advocate
Correct article usage
a
show examples
better selection is to stay in their home country. In the succeeding, I am going to discuss both concepts and give my perspective
further
. With regard to the group who prefer to move overseas for living and working. It is a common fact living overseas can have life changes.
For instance
, more and more
people
in developing countries are moving to the United States for the purpose of pursuing a different lifestyle and new friendships,
furthermore
, immigration
also
can provide second choices in our lives not just living in our hometown forever.
Hence
, touching different cultures and comprehending them can assist in expanding our horizons. As for others who suggest youngers to stay hometown for development. The reason is that overseas aren'
t
safe as we see. To illustrate, the rate of crime activities in the United States is extremely high,
such
as gun problems , residents in some states can purchase weapons on websites, even there are police stations in each city or town but accidents happen suddenly, it can'
t
be predictable,
on the other hand
, most immigrants can'
t
get physical help since racism problems, natives always be put first priority.
Moreover
, the competition overseas is not lower as compared with hometowns. In conclusion, my perspective is that
people
choose to move overseas because they feel
that is
a better option and opportunity to grasp change.
However
one should bear in mind that immigration isn'
t
easy as we see, maybe it is an alternative selection for
people
to catch a different life but they
also
need to spend 2 to 3 times the effort to hold it.
Submitted by rosolook on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task. This includes discussing both views comprehensively and giving your own opinion more clearly. Integrate specific examples into your arguments to better illustrate your points and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow and connectivity of your essay. Try to use a range of linking phrases more effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, can help enhance readability and structure.
General Improvement
To develop your essay further, consider using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Avoid repetition of words and phrases, and make sure to correctly spell and use complex grammatical structures accurately to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multinational companies
  • standard of living
  • personal growth
  • broader perspective
  • support system
  • social isolation
  • discrimination
  • healthcare
  • education
  • social services
  • enriching
  • fulfilling
  • impactful
  • career opportunities
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