IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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Businesses have always sought to make a profit, but it is becoming increasingly common to hear people talk about the social obligations that
companies
 have. I completely agree that
companies
 should provide some benefits for
society
 than simply make money. On the one hand, I accept that businesses must make money in order to survive in the competitive world. It seems logical that they should prioritize making a profit to cover their running costs,
such
 as employees' wages and payments for buildings and utilities.
Moreover
, I believe that
companies
 need to invest in improvements and innovations to remain successful. If they are unable to pay their bills and the changing needs of customers, any concerns about social responsibilities become irrelevant.
In other words
, a
company
 can only make a positive contribution to
society
 if it is in good financial health.
However
,
companies
 should not be run with the sole aim of maximising profit; they have a wider role to play in
society
. One obligation that
company
 bosses and managers have is to treat their employees well rather than exploit them.
For example
, they could pay a "living wage" to ensure their workers have a good quality of life.
Furthermore
, a
company
 could use a proportion of their profits to support local charities, environmental projects, or education initiatives.
Finally
,
instead
 of minimising tax payments by using accounting loopholes, I think that
company
 owners should be happy to contribute to
society
 through the tax systems. In conclusion, I believe that businesses should place as much importance on their social responsibilities as they do on their financial objectives.
Submitted by fadidona on

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coherence
The essay could benefit from a clearer distinction between different arguments to further enhance logical flow. Consider using transitional phrases to strengthen connections between points.
task response
Adding a brief discussion on potential counterarguments could provide a more balanced view and deepen the analysis.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are both well-defined and effectively encapsulate the main argument.
examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples and explains them well.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with each paragraph discussing one main idea which supports the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
What to do next:
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