IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should write at least 150 words. • You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#information #heart #attacks #age #gender #usa #summarise #features #comparisons #minutes
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The bar graph depicts information about the number of
heart
attacks
 in the USA based on gender (
men
 and
women
) and
age
 groups.
Overall
, it is evident that
men
 have greater numbers of
heart
attacks
 across all
age
 groups and it exhibits a positive correlation between
heart
 health's number with
age
 groups.
To begin
 with,
men
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the number of 123000
cases
 of
heart
attacks
 in the
age
group
 of 29-44,
whereas
women
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 only 3000
cases
 in
this
group
.
Then
, both figures significantly climb to 424000 and 136000
cases
 of
heart
attacks
 for
men
 and
women
, respectively, in the
age
group
 of 45-64.
Furthermore
, the figure
revelead
Correct your spelling
reveals
 that as people
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
, their
heart
health's
Change noun form
health
show examples
 quality
also
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
the eldery
show examples
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
group
,
while
men
's figure gradually rises to 440000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart
 attack
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
,
women
's figure sharply grows to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
twice from
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
age
group
, amounting to 374000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart
 attack
cases
.
Submitted by chocolate10 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, attacks, men, women, age, cases, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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