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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should •

The chart below shows information about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. • You should •
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The bar graph depicts information about the number of
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 in the USA based on gender (
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
) and
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
men
Use synonyms
 have greater numbers of
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 across all
age
Use synonyms
 groups and it exhibits a positive correlation between
heart
Use synonyms
 health's number with
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
men
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the number of 123000
cases
Use synonyms
 of
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 29-44,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 only 3000
cases
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, both figures significantly climb to 424000 and 136000
cases
Use synonyms
 of
heart
Use synonyms
attacks
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
, respectively, in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 45-64.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the figure
revelead
Correct your spelling
reveals
 that as people
aged
Replace the word
age
show examples
, their
heart
Use synonyms
health's
Change noun form
health
show examples
 quality
also
Linking Words
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
the eldery
show examples
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
group
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
's figure gradually rises to 440000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attack
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
,
women
Use synonyms
's figure sharply grows to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
twice from
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, amounting to 374000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
heart
Use synonyms
 attack
cases
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words heart, attacks, men, women, age, cases, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • occurrence
  • prevalence
  • age group
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • significant
  • comparison
  • discrepancies
  • patterns
  • statistics
  • demographics
  • rate of incidence
  • proportion
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