Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

The form of
punishment
for offenders depends on what kind of crimes they commit. Generally, there are two types of disciplines available for those facing the charges, which are paying fines and/or serving in jail. Nowadays, there are many cases of repeat offenders in both forms which naturally leads to whether these punishments are effective or not at all. There are no apparent reasons as to why felons have a tendency to repeat doing the same, or even an advanced level of crime that could be proven to answer
this
question. Psychological matters aside, it must be the law
that is
not strong enough to give a deterrent effect to the
criminals
. Repeat offenders mostly grow immune to the effect of the
punishment
, or they must be more comfortable living under it. In one case, if the felons are loners, it is likely that they will be more content to live in jail since they will be taken care of by the government. Of course, those are not applicable to all convicted
criminals
so
that is
why
further
study should be pursued in
this
area. Looking at the feasible reasons explained above, several measures can be taken to strengthen the
punishment
or the law itself. There has to be a
punishment
that gives more discouragement to
criminals
so they can be restricted on their own, with an example of social
punishment
in which their identities and crimes would be shared through media.
Criminals
should be stripped of any human rights, specifically
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those who have committed extreme crimes
such
as genocide, serial murder, etc.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic but could benefit from more detailed explanations and specific real-life examples to illustrate your points. Try to include studies or statistics to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining the flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'however' to provide better linkage between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion could be clearer with a definitive summary of the points discussed and a stronger restatement of your opinion or the main idea.
introduction
The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context of the discussion effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have provided a thoughtful analysis of the potential reasons why offenders might reoffend, considering both psychological and social aspects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation programs
  • economic hardship
  • employment opportunities
  • social stigma
  • discrimination
  • psychological issues
  • mental health problems
  • substance abuse
  • negative peer influence
  • incarceration
  • offenders
  • ex-convicts
  • recidivist
  • penal system
  • preventative measures
  • re-offend
  • criminal justice system
  • reintegration strategies
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