Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #punishment #measures

The form of

punishment

for offenders depends on what kind of crimes they commit. Generally, there are two types of disciplines available for those facing the charges, which are paying fines and/or serving in jail. Nowadays, there are many cases of repeat offenders in both forms which naturally leads to whether these punishments are effective or not at all. There are no apparent reasons as to why felons have a tendency to repeat doing the same, or even an advanced level of crime that could be proven to answer

this

question. Psychological matters aside, it must be the law

that is

not strong enough to give a deterrent effect to the

criminals

. Repeat offenders mostly grow immune to the effect of the

punishment

, or they must be more comfortable living under it. In one case, if the felons are loners, it is likely that they will be more content to live in jail since they will be taken care of by the government. Of course, those are not applicable to all convicted

criminals

that is

why

further

study should be pursued in

this

area. Looking at the feasible reasons explained above, several measures can be taken to strengthen the

punishment

or the law itself. There has to be a

punishment

that gives more discouragement to

criminals

so they can be restricted on their own, with an example of social

punishment

in which their identities and crimes would be shared through media.

Criminals

should be stripped of any human rights, specifically

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

those who have committed extreme crimes

such

as genocide, serial murder, etc.

Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on Tue Sep 10 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic but could benefit from more detailed explanations and specific real-life examples to illustrate your points. Try to include studies or statistics to support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining the flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'however' to provide better linkage between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Conclusion could be clearer with a definitive summary of the points discussed and a stronger restatement of your opinion or the main idea.

introduction

The essay begins with a clear introduction that sets the context of the discussion effectively.

clear comprehensive ideas

You have provided a thoughtful analysis of the potential reasons why offenders might reoffend, considering both psychological and social aspects.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

recidivism
reintegration
rehabilitation programs
economic hardship
employment opportunities
social stigma
discrimination
psychological issues
mental health problems
substance abuse
negative peer influence
incarceration
offenders
ex-convicts
recidivist
penal system
preventative measures
re-offend
criminal justice system
reintegration strategies

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Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Include an introduction and conclusion

in some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more families are choosing fast food over home-cooked meals. What are the reasons for this and how can they be addressed?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleeo?

In recent years, many governments have brought in laws to ban smoking in public places, such as bars, restaurants and offices. To what extend do you agree or disagree with banning smoking in public places?