Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

It is claimed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many culprits perform unlawful acts despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
punishment
In
this
essay I will discuss the main causes and possible solutions to
this
phenomenon. To commence with the obstacle of
this
phenomenon, most of the defendant execute offence after imposing the
punishment
because they do not have the
skills
to make their living standard high
due to
which
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
commit crimes again and again
.
Correct your spelling
Secondly
secondly
when they come out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail they face the same circumstances
such
as
poverty
while
they have to live in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
condition, it
force
Change the verb form
forces
show examples
them to commit
a
Change the article
an
show examples
offence .
For example
, one study has shown that in India 75% of crimes are committed
due to
poverty
.
Therefore
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
offenders commit felonies
due to
poverty
and lack of
skills
. To tackle
this
problem, the Government should take suitable measures to decrease the crime rate after
punishment
.
Firstly
they should provide a counsellor in the jail who will work on the thought-changing anger management strategies.It will help them to enhance their life
skills
and to build up their strength.
Secondly
, they should be provided financial
support
so that they can
support
their families and themselves.
For instance
, by providing a little financial
support
many culprits may come out of
poverty
and can move to another place for better living .
To sum up
, many culprits openly
perform
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes after serving the
punishment
because of
poverty
and lack of
skills
therefore
government should tackle
this
problem by providing them counselling and financial
support
.
Submitted by madihaali8470 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons why offenders commit more crimes and the measures to tackle the problem, which is responsive to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the main points well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation programs
  • economic hardship
  • employment opportunities
  • social stigma
  • discrimination
  • psychological issues
  • mental health problems
  • substance abuse
  • negative peer influence
  • incarceration
  • offenders
  • ex-convicts
  • recidivist
  • penal system
  • preventative measures
  • re-offend
  • criminal justice system
  • reintegration strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: