Example 6: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?
It is claimed that
,
many culprits perform unlawful acts despite Remove the comma
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
punishment
In this
essay I will discuss the main causes and possible solutions to this
phenomenon.
To commence with the obstacle of this
phenomenon, most of the defendant execute offence after imposing the punishment
because they do not have the skills
to make their living standard high due to
which their
commit crimes again and again Correct pronoun usage
they
.
Correct your spelling
Secondly
secondly
when they come out of the
jail they face the same circumstances Correct article usage
apply
such
as poverty
while
they have to live in same
condition, it Add an article
the same
force
them to commitChange the verb form
forces
a
offence .Change the article
an
For example
, one study has shown that in India 75% of crimes are committed due to
poverty
.Therefore
most of
offenders commit felonies Change preposition
apply
due to
poverty
and lack of skills
.
To tackle this
problem, the Government should take suitable measures to decrease the crime rate after punishment
.Firstly
they should provide a counsellor in the jail who will work on the thought-changing anger management strategies.It will help them to enhance their life skills
and to build up their strength.Secondly
, they should be provided financial support
so that they can support
their families and themselves.For instance
, by providing a little financial support
many culprits may come out of poverty
and can move to another place for better living .
To sum up
, many culprits openly perform
crimes after serving the Verb problem
commit
punishment
because of poverty
and lack of skills
therefore
government should tackle this
problem by providing them counselling and financial support
.Submitted by madihaali8470 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses both the reasons why offenders commit more crimes and the measures to tackle the problem, which is responsive to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the main points well.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?