IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Topic: More people today prefer to live alone in comparison to the past. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development . Give your opinion and relevant examples to support your views.

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There is a trend among adults nowadays to stay single comparing previous decades.
However
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, in
this
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 essay, I would illustrate that it is a negative development.
Although
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this
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 model of behaviour has two main negative factors. The first is the decreasing population of the Nation, the second is decreased economic items. As we all know main goal of every human is to continue his race.
This
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 is a question about survival. Certainly, the best way to solve
this
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 case is to make a family
together with
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 your partner,
also
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 you can't take care of your child living by yourself.
For example
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,
according to
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 the
last
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 research by The Social Agency in Munich, The German Nation is getting older rapidly,
also
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 the percentage of new births is 4%,
while
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 the normal level is over 10%. The amount of Europeans is reducing. I believe that it is a bad solution to stay alone in
this
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 situation. Basically, each family need to have 3 children to correct
this
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 tendency.
Otherwise
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, there are some methods to have a baby without
partner
Add an article
a partner
show examples
, but they have low efficiency.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 problem has economic consequences. To increase The GDP we need to produce goods and provide services.
Thus
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, we need human resources.
For instance
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,
according to
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 the
last
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 data presented by The New York State Labor Exchange, there is a personnel shortage nowadays. It is over 15% in some branches. It means that losses will increase. I think the way to stop it leads to having more active members of society.
As well as
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 to have enough families, that's why living alone is dangerous for a country. Right now firms are hiring foreign specialists, but it should
therefore
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 be used sparingly. In conclusion, all of us need to realize our mission.
Besides
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, the mission of the individual goes near with the Nation's,
that is
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 why I suppose that living alone is negative for the population and the economy in general.

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task achievement
For Task Response, aim to thoroughly address all parts of the task and support your points with more specific, relevant examples.
task achievement
For clearer ideas in Task Achievement, ensure that your arguments are not only logical but also clearly and comprehensively expressed. Revisit some of the points made to avoid vague statements.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, improve logical transitions between paragraphs and between different points within a paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph deals with a single clear idea and links smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to refine your logical structure by driving home each point with strong, supporting details. This involves not just mentioning statistics but explaining their implications more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a well-rounded argument structure.
coherence cohesion
You have identified key issues (population decrease and economic impact) and discussed them coherently in separate paragraphs.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and statistics to support some of your points, which strengthens your argument.
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