IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write an essay on the following topic. 4 two different future forms 5 two more linking expressions In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#topic #two #future #forms #expressions #reason #mall #entertainment #shop
These days
people
 go to
Add an article
the mall
show examples
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 for shopping but in the future, it may shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 target is going to be for
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
 and leisure and be very similar to downtown.
Although
 some
people
 believe that
this
 is not going to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happen more and more in the future.
Buy
Correct your spelling
But
show examples
 from my point of view it is going to
be happen
Change the verb form
happen
show examples
 in the future. As I see these days
people
 need more and more entertainment to have more fun and prefer to shop online with their phone and pay with credit card when they are eating their orange juice. So if shopping malls want to survive they must use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their creativity and be more ambitious to escape from economic
phenomenon
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomena
show examples
 like
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
.
For example
, in
Iran
Add a comma
Iran,
show examples
 one of the largest
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 in
Add an article
the middle
show examples
middle east
Correct your spelling
Middle East
show examples
 just (
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
called Iran
mall
Capitalize word
Mall
show examples
)
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
sky
Capitalize word
Sky
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ice lodge and
people
 because of
this
 lodge came to
this
mall
.
On the other hand
, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 prefer to
come
Verb problem
go
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 shops and
by dace to face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
show examples
 and talk with different producers and shop assistants to have a better shopping experience
however
 as I mentioned before these days
people
 will shop
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online way more and more and prefer to save their times to have fun with their friends and families. I strongly
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that shopping malls are going to be similar to
downtown
Add an article
a downtown
show examples
 and will have more entertainment part to
people
 have more leisure
furthermore
 they will have more customers and
people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 come to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their malls.
Submitted by mr.sadeghnezhadengineer on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, and that supporting points are clearly tied back to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Include a stronger conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance. This will help encapsulate your argument and leave a stronger impression on the reader.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Clarify your main ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central point. This will help in making your essay more focused and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and expresses a clear viewpoint, which is important for task achievement.
grammar
You have used future forms correctly, adding variety to your essay. This shows a good grasp of grammatical range and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Your writing included some appropriate linking expressions, which help in connecting ideas and providing coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: