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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but other people think they should be more realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Certain individuals assert that adolescents ought to decide on the occupations that they desire,
while
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 others contend that they ought to be more pragmatic and consider more about their coming times. In my opinion, young people should pursue their dream
job
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 to reach their personal happiness. One viewpoint suggests that young people should pursue careers that they are passionate about.
This
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 approach claims that personal happiness and
overall
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 well-being come after loving a career. They argue that we spend at least one-third of our lives at work.
Therefore
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, it makes sense that
job
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 satisfaction can lead to
overall
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 life satisfaction.
For example
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, there are many people in the world who work at jobs they dislike, and it's easy to understand that they enjoy their jobs less than those who love their occupations.
On the other hand
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, being realistic about career choices entails taking into account factors
such
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 as
job
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 stability and financial security. Given the current state of the economy, it makes sense to consider careers that provide sufficient conditions for a better life,
while
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also
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 helping to stabilize family finances.
Instead
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, some of my friends are more patient and cautious about the future, preferring
job
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 stability and financial insecurity over the possibility of an ideal employment. They argue that if they are idealistic, they won't be able to find a
job
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, and even if they do, the
job
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 would not be able to afford their happiness. In conclusion, I firmly believe that younger individuals should pursue their target occupation in order to achieve satisfaction and well-being.
However
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, some argue that a more pragmatic approach should replace
this
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 insufficient one.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well and engages with both views. However, you could provide more relevant and specific examples to better support your main points. For instance, personal anecdotes or references to well-known individuals who followed their passion or chose practical careers would strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your ideas are clearly and comprehensively presented but could benefit from expansion in some areas. Additionally, your conclusion, while summarizing your stance effectively, could reiterate the main points in a more detailed manner to reinforce your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with clear transitions between paragraphs. To improve further, enhance the elaboration of the counterargument by providing more detailed reasoning or examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong and effectively outline and summarize your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Your use of transition phrases such as 'On the other hand' and 'Therefore' helps in maintaining a clear and logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
You effectively present both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach to the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • personal happiness
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • advancements
  • continuous learning
  • self-improvement
  • job stability
  • income potential
  • market demand
  • financial insecurities
  • family support
  • retirement planning
  • career fulfillment
  • job security
  • balanced approach
  • career counseling
  • informed decisions
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