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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think parents should teach their children how to be a good members of society. however, believe that school is the best place to learn. Discus

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #discus
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[1:49 pm, 07/07/2024] Dalia: Some would argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 must
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 their kids how to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others claim that
school
Use synonyms
 is the best
place
Use synonyms
 to teach
this
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Despite the fact that
school
Use synonyms
 is an important
place
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a big role in their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
Use synonyms
school
Change the article
a school
show examples
 is a good
place
Use synonyms
 for
children
Use synonyms
 as it
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 them
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 education and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them in their social
life
Use synonyms
. The
school
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 may help the kids to
expanding
Change the verb form
expand
show examples
 their knowledge but it
didn’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 teach how to act in some
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and
didn’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 build the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Qatar University
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who study in privet
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, only 40% of them become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, I acknowledge that
school
Use synonyms
 helps
children
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 in different parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 always will be the first role models in their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, as they have a big effect on the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
.
Linking Words
firstly The
Correct your spelling
Firstly the
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should learn how to be a good father and mother, it will them to grow up a good person with good
personality
Use synonyms
, they must always support their
children
Use synonyms
 and give them enough love and care.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend at least one day of the week with their
children
Use synonyms
, to build a good
personality
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I support the idea that
parents
Use synonyms
 play a big role in their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and help them a lot to be good members. In conclusion, schools help
children
Use synonyms
 a lot but in different parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
 and help them to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 the
parents
Use synonyms
 should be in their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and always support, love and care about
children
Use synonyms
. [1:49 pm, 07/07/2024] Dalia: Some people think that
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach their
children
Use synonyms
 how to be good members of society. Others,
however
Linking Words
, believe that
school
Use synonyms
 is the best
place
Use synonyms
 to learn
this
Linking Words
. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Submitted by daliaakram35 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and stick to it. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explanations. This will make your response more comprehensive and help to fully support your main points.
task achievement
Review subject-verb agreement and other grammatical points to reduce errors and increase clarity.
task achievement
You have included both views and provided your own opinion in the conclusion, which is great for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly state the topic and your opinion, which helps to structure the essay well.
task achievement
You've made a good attempt to use examples to support your points. This is important for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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