IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Online shopping has gained immense popularity in recent years, challenging the traditional brick-and-mortar stores. Examine the advantages and disadvantages of both methods of shopping and give your opinion.

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The rise of the internet has led to a massive shift in how people buy goods and services. Today, consumers can choose to
shop
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 online or visit a physical store.
While
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 both methods have their advantages, each
also
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 comes with its own set of disadvantages. Many companies offer a discount when the
order
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 is placed online.
This
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 is done
in
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for
show examples
 the purpose of attracting individuals to
shop
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 online. More precisely, items on websites can be significantly more affordable compared to physical stores that normally do not change their prices for a long time.
Additionally
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, a variety of goods are put for sale on online platforms. Notably, a wide variety of products that could have been bought online has expanded gradually, from groceries and personal necessities to electronic devices or estate properties, which allows people to
shop
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 comfortably.
For example
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, the e-commerce platform of Amazon gives people the opportunity to buy a range of different goods only from
this
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 company
due to
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 having built numerous
product
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 lines. When it comes to disadvantages, in online shopping, we make a purchase decision based on mere images. When we are choosing the items on the internet, it is not possible to touch things in
order
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 to get the exact idea of the
product
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's quality. It can only be possible when the
order
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 is booked and delivered to us and we may be disappointed by the poor quality of the item.
Moreover
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, sometimes buyers have to face an unexpected delay in the delivery of the booked item.
Although
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 booking an
order
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 hardly takes five minutes, there is a possibility for the delivery to take a delay of ten days
due to
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 the time-consuming process
that is
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 needed for the
product
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 to be sent.
While
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, if we
shop
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 the things offline from the store, we can get the
product
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 instantly. In conclusion, both online and offline stores have their own advantages and disadvantages considering the prices, the time, the ability to physically touch the stuff and the variety which could adapt to the preferences of individuals and current needs.

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task achievement
While the essay is well-organized and covers both the advantages and disadvantages of online and offline shopping, it would benefit from a more robust argument in the conclusion. Try summarizing key points briefly and stating a clear, final opinion.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between points are generally smooth, but at times the flow of the essay could be improved. Consider using more transitional phrases to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be made more concise. For example, ‘the variety which could adapt to the preferences of individuals and current needs’ can be revised to ‘the variety that can adapt to individual preferences and current needs’.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly sets the context and outlines the main points that will be discussed, which establishes a strong foundation for the essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples such as Amazon to support your points, which adds depth and credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a proper introduction and conclusion, and each body paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, which enhances readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Brick-and-mortar
  • Tactile
  • Fraud
  • Geographical limitations
  • Price comparisons
  • Instant gratification
  • Personalized service
  • Social experience
  • Hybrid models
  • Click and collect
  • Impulse buying
  • Physical examination
  • E-commerce
  • Consumer behavior
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