You are going to another country to study. You would like to do a part-time job while you are studying, so you want to ask a friend who lives there for some hlep. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter, give details of your study plans explan why you want to get a part-time job suggest how your friend could help you find a job

#country #study #job #friend #lives #hlep #plans #explan

Dear Arun, Hi,I hope you are doing well and everything is good for you.I writing

this

letter to you about my study plans. Recently my Master's application was approved by a university in Australia. so I have come to Sydney and stay

six-month

Correct article usage

a six-month

show examples

course period.

Firstly

accommodation, I am applying Online.

Also

expensive. Already you know about my family situation.so I don't want to disturb them for money,I want to get a part-time job, after my everyday study hours. I got some dollars from

this

work

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and promised to use my expenses

while

on the study period.

Furthermore

, I need your help seeking a vacancy for my skills,

As well as

you know my father still running a small restaurant in my home town . I

also

have experience in

this

field.I got some knowledge from my brother super market stock control, verifying incoming and outgoing goods etc... I shall wait for your response and I believe you could care in

this

matter. best regards, Tharun.

Submitted by venkatlinga81 on Fri Feb 09 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph contains a single clear idea. The letter mixes accommodation details with reasons for wanting a job, which should be separated.

Task Achievement

Develop each idea fully before moving on to the next. The explanations for wanting a part-time job and the types of jobs sought could be more detailed.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices and transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs smoothly.

Task Achievement

Check for grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can improve the quality of writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

Sign off with a suitable closing that matches the tone of your letter. 'I shall wait for your response' could be rephrased to 'Looking forward to hearing from you soon.'

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

7 paragraphs

165 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Surveillance cameras in banks, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and public, but they are also took for their users to spy on people's private business. what problems do surveillance cameras create? what are the solutions?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phones (cellphones) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.