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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
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In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 are
Use synonyms
migration
Replace the word
migrating
show examples
 towards the urban areas and leaving their rural lives behind, some argue that it would bring prosperity and development to the Urban population,
however
Linking Words
, I personally believe that it will impose negative effects to the rural community leading to its decline.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Rural
migration
Use synonyms
 isn't a new phenomenon, since the start of the Industrial Revolution and the evolution of technology, many
people
Use synonyms
 abandoned
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural life in order to seek living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more civilized and advanced Urban cities,
this
Linking Words
 trend caused a massive shortage in many sectors like farming ultimately leading to less crop production which worsens the food availability to an
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
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 population. Aside from that, massive
migration
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 to Urban areas has caused massive congestion among the city residents , massive overcrowding caused
people
Use synonyms
 to be counterproductive,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 errands being done
due to
Linking Words
 difficulty in commuting between different places, placing
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
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 burden on their stress levels that's why a huge sum of
people
Use synonyms
 reported to have a lower quality of life than ever before.
In addition
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 ,
this
Linking Words
 overcrowding has brought with it increased levels of air pollution which
consequently
Linking Words
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
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 their
overall
Linking Words
 health by putting them at risk for contracting several terminal diseases like lung disease and cancer
thus
Linking Words
 causing a higher mortality rate.
To conclude
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, I truly believe that rural
migration
Use synonyms
 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
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 trend, not only it
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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 mass overcrowding and environmental pollution,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 exerts
further
Linking Words
 pressure on the population's
overall
Linking Words
 health safety.
Submitted by mohamedalassar2002 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples that support your main points. For instance, you could mention specific countries or situations where rural migration has led to certain outcomes.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. Consider using transitional phrases to improve the coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and clarifying your ideas. Some points could benefit from further explanation to fully develop your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument nicely.
supported main points
The main points are relevant to the topic and support the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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