IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
In
this
 day and age, an increasing number of
people
 are
migration
Replace the word
migrating
show examples
 towards the urban areas and leaving their rural lives behind, some argue that it would bring prosperity and development to the Urban population,
however
, I personally believe that it will impose negative effects to the rural community leading to its decline.
To begin
 with, Rural
migration
 isn't a new phenomenon, since the start of the Industrial Revolution and the evolution of technology, many
people
 abandoned
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural life in order to seek living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more civilized and advanced Urban cities,
this
 trend caused a massive shortage in many sectors like farming ultimately leading to less crop production which worsens the food availability to an
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
 population. Aside from that, massive
migration
 to Urban areas has caused massive congestion among the city residents , massive overcrowding caused
people
 to be counterproductive,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 errands being done
due to
 difficulty in commuting between different places, placing
further
Add an article
a further
show examples
 burden on their stress levels that's why a huge sum of
people
 reported to have a lower quality of life than ever before.
In addition
 ,
this
 overcrowding has brought with it increased levels of air pollution which
consequently
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 their
overall
 health by putting them at risk for contracting several terminal diseases like lung disease and cancer
thus
 causing a higher mortality rate.
To conclude
, I truly believe that rural
migration
 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 trend, not only it
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 mass overcrowding and environmental pollution,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
also
 exerts
further
 pressure on the population's
overall
 health safety.
Submitted by mohamedalassar2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples that support your main points. For instance, you could mention specific countries or situations where rural migration has led to certain outcomes.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. Consider using transitional phrases to improve the coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding and clarifying your ideas. Some points could benefit from further explanation to fully develop your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument nicely.
supported main points
The main points are relevant to the topic and support the overall argument of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: