All over the world,societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity?How could it be tackled?

#world #societies #obesity #children #adults #rise

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Over the past few years, it has become less important than having a healthy

diet

Use synonyms

and always sport.

As a result

Linking Words

, it is becoming evident that obesity is a serious

problem

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that adults and youngsters suffer. In

this

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essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will look at the reasons for

this

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trend and propose some solutions. One of the main causes of

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

is that

people

Use synonyms

eat too much unhealthy food and have a poor

diet

Use synonyms

People

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eat underdone food like junk food

instead

Linking Words

of proteins and vitamins. Children with poor diets run the risk of growth and can persist for the rest of their lives as being overweight. In the USA,

for example

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people

Use synonyms

consume white flour which has

poor

Fix the agreement mistake

a lower

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nutritional value than other grains. Dealing with these

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

people

Use synonyms

should get their proper nutrition from a balanced

diet

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by consuming fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, legumes and lean proteins. Another

problem

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is that many

people

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are less active. A sedentary lifestyle is beckoning more and more children, meaning that youngsters may

Add a missing verb

be in

show examples

line with obesity or even inadequate development. Children are obsessed with video games and are unable to organize their regime of sports. Added to

this

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is the strain main resulting from being inactive. To tackle

this

Linking Words

problem

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

should do regular sport. When you are physically active your heart and muscles, get a chance to reduce additional fat and stimulate the release of endorphins. A third cause of the

problem

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is the high amount of stress. Daily stresses

also

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contribute to some level of harm involved in hunger and society and can empower cognitive processes

such

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as self-regulation stress causes hormonal changes that can increase sugar and blood levels in the blood, causing

people

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to crave foods high in calories, fat and sugar. Take the USA as an example.

According to

Linking Words

medical researchers, in the US more than 40 per cent of

people

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are obese, because of a stressful lifestyle.

This

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problem

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could be addressed by getting enough sleep. Getting enough energy can help

Correct pronoun usage

you to

show examples

think clearly and have more energy.

To sum up

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having

Verb problem

being

show examples

too

much

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

overweight has been jumping for a long time,

due to

Linking Words

reasons

such

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as poor

diet

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, sedentary lifestyle and stress.

This

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is a serious

problem

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and unless we tackle

this

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problem

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we might face plentiful deaths because of obesity among both

grown-upand

Correct your spelling

grown-ups

and youngsters. My view is that

people

Use synonyms

who are overweight should obey to balanced

diet

Use synonyms

, do regular sport and enough sleep.

Submitted by nursultonergashov19 on Wed Sep 11 2024

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introduction

Clarify the introduction: Mention explicitly that the focus will be on causes and solutions for obesity to set a clear context.

support

Develop examples further: Provide more details about how specific examples support your points to make your arguments stronger.

conclusion

Conclusion improvement: Reinforce the main points clearly and stress the importance of the proposed solutions for a better impact.

structure

Clear structure: The essay is clearly divided into ideas about causes and solutions, making it easy to follow.

topic sentence

Good topic sentences: Each body paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea.

content

Variety of causes and solutions: You cover a range of reasons for obesity and propose diverse solutions, which enhances the depth of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

411 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Obesity
Overweight
Epidemic
Sedentary
Processed food
Fast food
Nutritional education
Awareness
Stress
Emotional eating
Genetic factors
Access
Healthy food options
Marketing
Urbanization
Lifestyles

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All over the world,societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity?How could it be tackled?

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The tendency for human beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion in clothes and other consumer goods. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience.

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