IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many feel that today’s increasing demand for oil and gas must prompt scientists to look for new, future energy sources. Others feel we should not search for new energy sources because searching causes too much damage to the environment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Human beings have been employing fossil fuels like oil and gas for decades.
However
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, the detrimental effects of their massive usage are obvious to everyone. In
this
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 respect, some believe that scientists must seek new
sources
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 of
energy
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, the greener, cleaner and more sustainable ones.
On the contrary
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, others imply that searching for new
sources
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 can be more harmful to the
environment
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspectives and express my opinion.
To begin
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 with, as I mentioned above, almost everyone asserts that traditional
sources
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 of
energy
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 cause much damage to the
environment
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. All processes including exploration, excavation and burning bring about many problems in the soil, water and air and many people's lives are affected negatively by
this
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 phenomenon.
For example
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, the frequent oil leakages in the seas and oceans have damaged marine life and the associated food chains, and
as a consequence
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, the human lives who consume seafood.
Furthermore
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, climate change is considered a consequence of producing tons of carbon dioxide annually. So, it seems we need to find a way to decrease our devastating actions.
On the other hand
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, replacing old kinds of
energy
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 demands new technologies and materials. Some conservatives advocate
this
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 point of view that these changes can cause more detriments to the
environment
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 and we should not adopt those approaches.
For instance
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, electrical
energy
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that is
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 assumed as a clean source of
energy
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 should be stored in Li-ion batteries. excavation and purification of these resources can be harmful to our
environment
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 in many other ways.
To conclude
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 the aforementioned lines, I would state that human beings should reduce the amount of pollution they produce every day as the first solution. The other ways have encompassed the finding of new
sources
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 of
energy
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 that are less harmful. The important factor would be looking for a comprehensive and holistic approach that minimizes the contaminants.

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Structure
Continue to develop a clear structure in your essay by including clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
Content
For even higher scores, strive to develop your examples further, providing more detailed evidence and elaboration.
Language Use
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing.
Structure
Effective introduction and conclusion that clearly present your main argument and summarise the essay nicely.
Content
Good job incorporating examples to support your arguments in each paragraph.
Clarity
You've made clear distinctions between different viewpoints, facilitating the reader's understanding.
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