IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that schools is the place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #schools #place
There is a debate between two viewpoints about who should take the responsibility to teach
children
 how to be good in their society,
parents
 or
schools
. In my opinion, I believe that both of them are equally important and integrate with each other.
However
, I will discuss and explain in
this
 essay my point of view. On the one hand,
parents
 play an essential role in their
children
's lives, especially in the early ages of their
children
. So, fathers and mothers teach their kids good behaviours and moralities,
in addition
 to the essential skills of life,
such
 as speaking, relationships, and eating.
This
 means that
parents
 are a key factor in their
children
’s lives that can be good people in their society, and
also
, their character.
On the other hand
,
schools
 are considered as the second home of
children
, where they can learn many things other than the curriculum. Indeed, extracurricular activities are effective and important for
children
 to do in school.
Also
, it is worth mentioning that
schools
 play an important part in
children
's social life, where they start making friendships and discovering themselves and their hobbies. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
parents
 and
schools
 are essential and have equal responsibility in teaching
children
 how to be good members of their community.
While
parents
 represent the home for
children
,
schools
 are their second home.
Therefore
, they spend most of their time in both homes and learn about morality, life skills, and language, making them effective in their society.
Submitted by jawdat.lubadeh123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. You can use transitional phrases to make connections more obvious, which will improve the overall cohesion.
task achievement
Make sure to address each viewpoint with equal depth. This will show a comprehensive understanding and balanced discussion of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which enhances the overall clarity and structure.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both viewpoints and presenting the writer's opinion clearly.
coherence cohesion
The main points are generally well supported, contributing to a coherent argument throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral compass
  • Ethical paradigms
  • Cultural mores
  • Civic duties
  • Socialization
  • Interpersonal skills
  • Pedagogical approaches
  • Value systems
  • Cohesive society
  • Formative years
What to do next:
Look at other essays: