some people think that compettion at work ,at school, in a daily life is a good things others belive that we should try to cooperate more rather then it .

#people #compettion #work #school #life #belive

Some

individuals

contend that

competition

enhances our lives,

whereas

along with

others, maintain that cooperation is more beneficial. Stronger relationships and increased innovation are key benefits of a cooperative environment,

according to

many

people

. They argue that when

individuals

work together, it fosters trust and builds strong connections, creating a supportive community.

Additionally

, these collaborative settings often spark creativity and innovation, as diverse perspectives contribute to the generation of new ideas.

For instance

, if a new company relies on diverse perspectives, it is likely to create more accurate and effective products.

In addition

to these benefits, I believe that a cooperative environment empowers

individuals

to showcase their abilities as they work towards achieving their goals. When

people

collaborate, they can leverage each other's strengths, provide support, and encourage one another, which enhances

overall

motivation and increases the likelihood of success. It

also

plays a critical role in their well-being, because if the environment is supportive and collaborative,

individuals

are more likely to feel valued and respected.

This

positive atmosphere can reduce stress and anxiety, leading to greater job satisfaction and

overall

happiness.

While

some

people

argue that

competition

is the primary motivator for hard work and achieving better positions in life and it should be an essential part of our lives if we want to be winners, I reject

this

notion.

Although

competition

can sometimes drive us toward success, it can

also

distract us from our core goals and create environments where our achievements are not fully recognized .

This

emphasis on

competition

can lead to stress and a lack of collaboration, ultimately hindering both personal and collective growth. In conclusion, cooperation should be an integral part of every workplace rather than

competition

, which undermines the fundamental reasons

people

come together.

Submitted by homa.nazrmian56 on Wed Sep 11 2024

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task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to make your argument more convincing. For instance, you could mention specific studies or instances where cooperation has led to success in workplace or academic settings.

task achievement

Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported. Some of your arguments could benefit from additional elaboration to strengthen your overall position.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that every paragraph logically follows the previous one. A stronger emphasis on transitions between ideas will improve the overall structure.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents your position effectively.

introduction conclusion

You have a strong conclusion that reinforces your main points and restates your position succinctly.

supported main points

Your main points are mostly well-supported and logically structured.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

292 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people think that compettion at work ,at school, in a daily life is a good things others belive that we should try to cooperate more rather then it .

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Government should spend tax money on public libraries rather than public transportation improvements. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can case serious social problems, as well as practical problems. to what extent do you agree or disagree with thia statement?

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that computers and the internet are more important to a child’s education than schools and teachers. However, others argue that schools and teachers play a more important role in the education of children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.