IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people argue that professional
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
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such
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 as doctors and engineers should be obligated to
work
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 in the
country
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 where they were trained.
However
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, other people believe that they should have the freedom to
work
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 anywhere that they want. I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages before presenting my opinion.
To begin
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with
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with,
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 my ideas, requiring
professionals
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 to
work
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 in their home
country
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 can benefit society. In fact, governments often invest heavily in education and training, especially in fields like medicine and engineering. If trained
professionals
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 leave, it can result in a loss of investment and create skill shortages.
For example
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, many developing countries face a hard situation because skilled workers migrate to richer nations and leave their own
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country
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countries
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 struggling with a lack of expertise.
Furthermore
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,
professionals
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 have a moral responsibility to contribute to the society that
supported
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supports
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 their education.
On the other hand
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, restricting
professionals
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’ freedom to
work
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 abroad may be unfair. Obviously, individuals should have the right to seek better job opportunities and living conditions. In some cases, their home
country
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 may not offer competitive salaries or career growth, forcing them to look
elsewhere
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.
Moreover
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, working in a foreign
country
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 allows
professionals
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 to gain valuable experience and skills which they could later bring back to their homeland. In conclusion,
while
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 requiring
professionals
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 to stay in their
country
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 may benefit society, I believe they should be free to choose where they
work
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. Governments should focus on improving working conditions and salaries to retain skilled workers rather than enforcing restrictions.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and presents both views effectively. However, you could enhance it by explicitly noting your own opinion in the introduction for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are generally well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. To improve further, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point discussed within that paragraph.
Task Achievement
You provided good examples in your discussion of both sides. However, including more specific examples or real-world scenarios could strengthen your arguments and enhance the relevance of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion, which contributes to its overall coherence.
Task Achievement
You've articulated both sides of the argument fairly, showing an understanding of different perspectives on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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