IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that governments should legalize the use of torture in extreme cases, such as terrorism or national security threats. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #torture #cases #terrorism #security #threats
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly believed that the authorities should regulate rules to use
torment
Use synonyms
 so as to punish
criminals
Use synonyms
 in their nations and ensure the security of the
citizens
Use synonyms
. The writer is convinced by
this
Linking Words
 assumption because of a strict punishment to threaten the
criminals
Use synonyms
 and a model for all normal residents to follow.
Initially
Linking Words
, it must be understood that using
torture
Use synonyms
 might make people
commit
Correct pronoun usage
who commit
show examples
 an offence scared about
this
Linking Words
 punishment. To explain in more detail,
criminals
Use synonyms
 have to deal with a huge amount of violence and aggressive behaviours each day. To a certain extent, the
criminals
Use synonyms
 have been obsessed with these punishments and they do not make the same mistakes in the future,
instead
Linking Words
, they concentrate on becoming law-abiding people and rehabilitating the society.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, people with extreme mistakes are disciplined to become good
citizens
Use synonyms
 and
finally
Linking Words
 how to control their impulsions.
However
Linking Words
, many believe that
torture
Use synonyms
 can bring several detrimental effects on the mental health of
criminals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
torture
Use synonyms
 involves physical and psychological trauma, leading to long-lasting mental damage in the victim.
This
Linking Words
 point may be valid, but
torment
Use synonyms
 methods must be used to threaten the
citizens
Use synonyms
 to not commit an offence.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 no one wants to become a prisoner facing numerous strict punishments, especially
torture
Use synonyms
. Indeed, the
citizens
Use synonyms
 will obey the regulations from the
government
Use synonyms
, resulting in a law society which is safer for the whole community. Consider North Korea as a prime example, where the
government
Use synonyms
 imposes numerous strict rules in most fields of life,
therefore
Linking Words
,
citizens
Use synonyms
 always follow the law system and the crime rate in
this
Linking Words
 nation has been witnessed at least in the globe. In conclusion, the
government
Use synonyms
 should use
torment
Use synonyms
 in some cases with the purpose of forcing
criminals
Use synonyms
 to change their behaviour and threatening the residents not to break the law.
Hence
Linking Words
, it has been shown that the
government
Use synonyms
 might consider carefully before using
torment
Use synonyms
 to ensure the safety of society.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance, but it could be more balanced by acknowledging the counter-argument at the outset to give a more nuanced view.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each argument with specific examples and evidence. Your essay can be strengthened by including more specific examples or statistical data to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally clear, but at times, your argumentation can seem repetitive. Consider varying your language and focusing on distinct points for each paragraph to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be stronger by summarizing your arguments briefly while reaffirming your opinion. Try to succinctly restate the key points you've made throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to present both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your discussion points are organized into paragraphs, each aiming to address a specific aspect of the debate.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: