Some people believe that governments should legalize the use of torture in extreme cases, such as terrorism or national security threats. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly believed that the authorities should regulate rules to use
torment
so as to punish
criminals
in their nations and ensure the security of the
citizens
. The writer is convinced by
this
assumption because of a strict punishment to threaten the
criminals
and a model for all normal residents to follow.
Initially
, it must be understood that using
torture
might make people
commit
Correct pronoun usage
who commit
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an offence scared about
this
punishment. To explain in more detail,
criminals
have to deal with a huge amount of violence and aggressive behaviours each day. To a certain extent, the
criminals
have been obsessed with these punishments and they do not make the same mistakes in the future,
instead
, they concentrate on becoming law-abiding people and rehabilitating the society.
For
this
reason, people with extreme mistakes are disciplined to become good
citizens
and
finally
how to control their impulsions.
However
, many believe that
torture
can bring several detrimental effects on the mental health of
criminals
.
This
is because
torture
involves physical and psychological trauma, leading to long-lasting mental damage in the victim.
This
point may be valid, but
torment
methods must be used to threaten the
citizens
to not commit an offence.
Due to
the fact that
,
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apply
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no one wants to become a prisoner facing numerous strict punishments, especially
torture
. Indeed, the
citizens
will obey the regulations from the
government
, resulting in a law society which is safer for the whole community. Consider North Korea as a prime example, where the
government
imposes numerous strict rules in most fields of life,
therefore
,
citizens
always follow the law system and the crime rate in
this
nation has been witnessed at least in the globe. In conclusion, the
government
should use
torment
in some cases with the purpose of forcing
criminals
to change their behaviour and threatening the residents not to break the law.
Hence
, it has been shown that the
government
might consider carefully before using
torment
to ensure the safety of society.
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task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance, but it could be more balanced by acknowledging the counter-argument at the outset to give a more nuanced view.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each argument with specific examples and evidence. Your essay can be strengthened by including more specific examples or statistical data to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your points are generally clear, but at times, your argumentation can seem repetitive. Consider varying your language and focusing on distinct points for each paragraph to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion could be stronger by summarizing your arguments briefly while reaffirming your opinion. Try to succinctly restate the key points you've made throughout the essay.
task achievement
You have made a clear attempt to present both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your discussion points are organized into paragraphs, each aiming to address a specific aspect of the debate.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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