IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that the increasing gap between rich and poor people has a negative impact on society. What are the reasons for rising inequality and what problems could it cause?

#people #gap #impact #society #inequality
Acording
Correct your spelling
According
 to some people the increasing gap between rich and poor people has a negative impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. The
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
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 of rising inequality is capitalism, because people who are earning a lot becoming more rich and those who do not have any earnings are becoming more poor.
Their
Replace the word
There
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 is a
descrimination
Correct your spelling
discrimination
among
Change preposition
between
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 the poor and rich in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a more structured approach. Start with an introduction that clearly presents the issue, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on the causes and consequences, and conclude with a summary.
task achievement
Develop your points more comprehensively. For instance, explain how capitalism specifically contributes to the growing divide and offer more detailed examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid grammatical errors such as 'Acording' instead of 'According', and 'Their' instead of 'There'. Proofread your essay for accuracy.
task achievement
You've correctly identified a major cause of wealth inequality—capitalism.
task achievement
Good attempt at addressing the social consequences of economic inequality.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Income disparity
  • Wealth distribution
  • Socioeconomic gap
  • Economic inequality
  • Marginalization
  • Systemic barriers
  • Economic policies
  • Automation
  • Artificial intelligence
  • Globalization
  • Educational disparities
  • Inheritance
  • Wealth transfer
  • Social cohesion
  • Healthcare disparities
  • Economic stagnation
  • Social unrest
  • Cycle of poverty
  • Deregulation
  • Subsidies
What to do next:
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