When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their free time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It's generally to think that public parks and sports facilities are more important for the
city
than shopping centres. I strongly agree with this
statement, because of some reasons that I will explain in this
essay.
On the one hand, we have a lot
of places for a walk, places to do some sport and play with children. This
is all good, people
will be happier and more enjoyable. More green areas will improve the neighbourhood and more people
will want to live here, also
it's very good for the environment. The sports facilities help keep your body in good condition. A lot
of children will meet new friends in these parks.
On the other hand
, people
will have a shopping centre, it's good for the economy of the city
because a lot
of people
will go there and buy things and pay their bills. But for people
that live here, it's worse. The shopping centres work nearly for 24 hours, the light
of them are too bright and sometimes will make you angry because you can't sleep normally, Fix the agreement mistake
lights
also
there
are too noisy. Correct pronoun usage
they
For example
, my sister used to live near the main shopping centre in our city
. That was disgusting, a lot
of amount people
walk near you every day, for a little period it makes you feel better. But then
you want some peace of mind, go to the village and have some rest.
All in all, shopping centres make more places for work, but parks are better for the environment and for people
. If I wanted to make the city
I probably make green areas, because they are more important for the locality.Submitted by oleksandrrazancev64 on
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task achievement
For a higher score, ensure your essay fully addresses all parts of the task, providing a balanced discussion of both sides before reaching a conclusion. Currently, the essay is somewhat one-sided.
task achievement
Avoid generalizations like 'places to do some sport and play with children' without specific examples. Adding detailed and varied supporting points will improve clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, explicitly state how each paragraph connects to your argument. Transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore' or 'In contrast' can help.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea for better clarity and organization. For instance, separating the discussion of public parks and sports facilities from shopping centers would make each paragraph more focused and coherent.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to support it with reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in place with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Relevant specific examples, like the reference to your sister's experience, add a personal touch and help illustrate your points more vividly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.