IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
Some people think, that children, raised in the low welfare, get to succeed in real-
life
 troubles, rather than children from affluent families. I’m
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent research, the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social status does not influence problem-solving quality among kids.
This
 essay will examine both perspectives and explain my viewpoint. First of all, children growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
deficit
Correct article usage
a deficit
show examples
 lifestyle, tend to grow up more creative and innovative
character
Fix the agreement mistake
characters
show examples
, rather than rich. As everyone knows, babies from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Third World countries, create toys from
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
household materials, using their imagination. It can
state
Wrong verb form
be stated
show examples
 that poor people have a unique approach to problems, that can be very helpful in
real
Add an article
the real
show examples
life
 world.
Thus
, some people believe
,
Correct word choice
that, tough
show examples
tough
Correct article usage
a tough
show examples
 childhood with
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of basic needs, can come down to be the best outcome when it is time to face up the adulthood.
Secondly
, many believe that being born
with
Change preposition
into
show examples
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 family is basically winning a lottery in
life
. An opportunity to attend
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
hugest
Correct your spelling
highest
show examples
 ranked school, get a well-paid job,
afford
Correct word choice
and afford
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 maintenance lifestyle definitely
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 one’s attitude in
Add an article
the decision
show examples
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 process and approach to problems. Good quality education can provide success, confidence and belief in resolving any troubles on the way. I would agree with the stated above, wealth buys opportunities in
life
. In conclusion, we considered two opposite approaches based on the financial
states
Correct your spelling
status
show examples
 of two types of families. We deduced that
family’s
Change noun form
family
show examples
 status plays a big role in the future adult’s
life
. We expect an increase in
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 conditions of families around
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 over 15% following year.
Submitted by elza.nikk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammatical
To enhance the quality of your essay, work on refining your grammar and sentence structure. This will help in making your arguments clearer and more impactful.
examples
Try to provide more specific and diversified examples to support your points. This will lend more credibility to your arguments.
conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points of your discussion effectively and ties back to the thesis statement presented in your introduction.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
comprehensiveness
You have made an effort to provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!