IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
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Some people think, that children, raised in the low welfare, get to succeed in real-
life
 troubles, rather than children from affluent families. I’m
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent research, the decrease
of
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in
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 social status does not influence problem-solving quality among kids.
This
 essay will examine both perspectives and explain my viewpoint. First of all, children growing
in
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up in
show examples
deficit
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a deficit
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 lifestyle, tend to grow up more creative and innovative
character
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characters
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, rather than rich. As everyone knows, babies from
the
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apply
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Third World countries, create toys from
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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household materials, using their imagination. It can
state
Wrong verb form
be stated
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 that poor people have a unique approach to problems, that can be very helpful in
real
Add an article
the real
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life
 world.
Thus
, some people believe
,
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that, tough
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tough
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a tough
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 childhood with
lack
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a lack
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 of basic needs, can come down to be the best outcome when it is time to face up the adulthood.
Secondly
, many believe that being born
with
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into
show examples
rich
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a rich
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 family is basically winning a lottery in
life
. An opportunity to attend
a
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the
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hugest
Correct your spelling
highest
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 ranked school, get a well-paid job,
afford
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and afford
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high
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a high
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 maintenance lifestyle definitely
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
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 one’s attitude in
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the decision
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decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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 process and approach to problems. Good quality education can provide success, confidence and belief in resolving any troubles on the way. I would agree with the stated above, wealth buys opportunities in
life
. In conclusion, we considered two opposite approaches based on the financial
states
Correct your spelling
status
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 of two types of families. We deduced that
family’s
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family
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 status plays a big role in the future adult’s
life
. We expect an increase in
financial
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the financial
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 conditions of families around
United
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the United
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 States
for
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by
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 over 15% following year.
Submitted by elza.nikk on

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grammatical
To enhance the quality of your essay, work on refining your grammar and sentence structure. This will help in making your arguments clearer and more impactful.
examples
Try to provide more specific and diversified examples to support your points. This will lend more credibility to your arguments.
conclusion
Ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points of your discussion effectively and ties back to the thesis statement presented in your introduction.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
comprehensiveness
You have made an effort to provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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