IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #age
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Individuals believe that the good time for someone who wants to marry should be at least 21 years old. I strongly agree with
this
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 statement. In
this
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 essay, I will describe why we should consider our
age
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 to make a family.
People
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 that have enough
age
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 to marry (above 21) will have a big capacity for thinking so in a relationship, if there are some problems they can make a wise decision.
Moreover
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, they can obtain money effectively by working to continue their life.
To begin
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 with, individuals marrying at the
age
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 of 21 will have large capabilities of thinking. These will help them to solve their problem wisely. They can keep their relationship continuously.
For instance
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, in 2015 there was a news state that the man divorcing his wife because she did not excuse her husband to go to the coffee shop. Actually,
this
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 is an easy obstacle, but they can solve it because of their limited thinking.
Therefore
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, with enough
age
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, we can create a good solution to face the problem.
On the other hand
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, as married
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people
Add a comma
people,
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 they should acquire money to fulfil their needs. Usually, employers search for
people
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 that have enough
age
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 to work, like 23 or above.
For example
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, nowadays many
people
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 are struggling to obtain a job because they do not meet the requirements , especially
due to
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the
Change the word
their
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limit
Replace the word
limited
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of
Change preposition
apply
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age
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.
Furthermore
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, individuals have to obtain a good occupation before deciding to get married.
To conclude
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, young
people
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 have to consider some aspects before getting married in order to maintain their relationship. They should have enough
age
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 and good thinking to solve the problem.
In addition
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, having an appropriate job will help them to maintain their
bonding
Replace the word
bond
show examples
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Try to include more detailed examples to make your points stronger. Use real-life cases or data to provide depth to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transition between paragraphs is seamless. While each paragraph focuses on distinct ideas, linking them together would enhance the flow.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
Your argument is relevant to the topic and you provide a complete response addressing both aspects of the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal age
  • Marriage
  • Maturity
  • Stability
  • Individual choice
  • Freedom
  • Cultural practices
  • Religious practices
  • Education
  • Career aspirations
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