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Band 3.5

some people believe that social media sites, such as facebook or twitter, have a negative impcat on young people and their ability to form personal relatioship. others believe that these sites bring people together in beneficial way

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impcat #ability #form #relatioship
Recently, some people
agree
Wrong verb form
have agreed
show examples
 that social
media
sites
 like Facebook or Twitter have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children on their capability to make private relationships.
Whereas
, others believe it will give us some advantages. In my opinion, the social
media
sites
 absolutely have a large number of benefits. If we use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 appropriately, they can
also
 be harmful in certain conditions.
To begin
 with, the social
media
sites
 (Facebook or Twitter) will be beneficial if we can organize (manage) how to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
viral news can be accessed directly without buying
news paper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, Facebook can allow us to meet with our old friends who live far away.
On the other hand
,
sosial
Correct your spelling
social
media
sites
 can
also
 bring dangerous
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 that make people addicted. The children usually waste their time playing
social
Change preposition
on social
show examples
media
as well as
 forgetting their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 and
responsibility
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
show examples
.
Therefore
, we have to supervise them and make sure they use social
media
wiselys
Correct your spelling
wisely
.
To conclude
, social
media
sites
 have positive and negative effects. They depend on the way how we consume them. The impacts will be more dangerous if we utilize them in the wrong way. If we utilize them appropriately, they will be useful.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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word choice vocabulary
Make sure to use accurate and varied vocabulary. For instance, 'social media sites' is preferred to 'sosial media sites,' and 'newspaper' should be one word.
support evidence
Strengthen the support for your main points by providing more specific examples or evidence. This will make your argument more persuasive.
structure organization
Good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The essay responds to the task prompt, discussing both the positive and negative effects of social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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