More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people think aThe solution can be to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the growing number of obese people in the contemporary world, some suggest that raising the cost of fatty
food
could be an effective measure to tackle Use synonyms
this
issue. Despite Linking Words
this
proposal might have negative Linking Words
ramification
, It is likely to be a predominantly advantageous approach Fix the agreement mistake
ramifications
due to
demotivating customers and decreasing the advertisement to people.
On the one hand, there is one rational reason why Linking Words
this
method should not be implemented since calorie-dense Linking Words
food
is not one of the main Use synonyms
reason
, Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
the
obesity epidemic. Change preposition
for the
This
is because there are many other factors that cause increasingly obese individuals, including nutritional education, Linking Words
doing
exercise or a sedentary lifestyle. Unnecessary verb
apply
Therefore
, the price surge is not an effective solution Linking Words
while
the government should consider running campaigns about nutrition or healthy lifestyle to raise awareness for residents.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, there are some significant benefits that could help to decrease the number of consumers of high-fat Linking Words
food
. The first Use synonyms
rational
is that Correct your spelling
rationale
this
suggestion could demotivate potential customers as they are sensitive to changes in price. In Mexico, Linking Words
for instance
, the government implemented a tax on sugary drinks and junk Linking Words
food
which helped to decrease the percentage of obese individuals after that. Use synonyms
Secondly
, raising the cost of fattening Linking Words
food
could make plenty of restaurants or Use synonyms
food
chains less profitable, resulting in them having fewer budgets to run many advertisements about fast Use synonyms
food
. Thereby, It can give limited access to citizens, leading to Use synonyms
decline
of the consumer.
In conclusion, I mostly agree with Add an article
the decline
a decline
this
approach because it can decrease the number of consumers and Linking Words
limited
people to access high-fat Replace the word
limit
food
in multiple media. Use synonyms
However
, the government should deal with it by other effective methods Linking Words
such
as running public programs or education.Linking Words
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task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing the task, but there are areas that could use improvement. Make sure to state your points with clarity, and try to support them with more detailed examples. Avoid unnecessary repetition.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your arguments to make the essay smoother. Transitional words and phrases can help guide the reader through your points. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the main points you are discussing.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the case of Mexico, which help support your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?