One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, thanks to medical research and economic growth, it is very common for people to live more than their ancestors. Generally speaking is a good thing,
however
it has its downsides as well.
Add a comma
however,
Overall
, the rapidly improving of
treatments Remove the preposition
apply
makes
us live long and Correct subject-verb agreement
make
fullfilling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
lifes
, extending family relationships. Correct your spelling
lives
life
For example
, it was impossible back in the days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
thinking
we could survive Change the verb form
to think
to
certain Change preposition
apply
type
of diseases like cancer. Being diagnosed with Fix the agreement mistake
types
such
a disesase
would have meant an already signed death certificate. Correct your spelling
disease
Also
, chronic disease can be treated to continuing
living with a decent quality of life. Wrong verb form
continue
In addition
, child deaths, which were very common back in the days
, are now very rare. Fix the agreement mistake
day
For instance
, my cousin was born with a very bad congenital disease, however
thanks to a sperimental
surgery procedure he managed to survive and he is now living a beautiful life with his wife and kids!
Correct your spelling
experimental
On the other hand
, this
situation has consequens
, especially Correct your spelling
consequences
by
Change preposition
from
the
Correct article usage
an
economical
point of view. It is clear, that living longer leads to an increase Replace the word
economic
of
Change preposition
in
elderly
population and Correct article usage
the elderly
consequently
costs for pubblic
healthcare and pension funds. Correct your spelling
public
Futhermore
, hospitals are overcrowded thanks to the rise of Correct your spelling
Furthermore
age-realated
Correct your spelling
age-related
disease
. If Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
that is
not enough, according to
the data people are not having kids as they used to be, lowering the number of people in working age, creating an instable
economic system.
In conclusion, I believe that Correct your spelling
unstable
the
extending the life expectancy is not a bad thing, even with all the Correct article usage
apply
problem
it causes. No economic wealth can replace Fix the agreement mistake
problems
an
hug from your Change the article
a
granparents
or kissing your child born against all odds.Correct your spelling
grandparents
Submitted by alessandro.talese on
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task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the task, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy due to medical advancements. However, some points could be developed further with more depth and clarity. Enhancing the explanation of the economic consequences would provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be achieved by using linking words and phrases that guide the reader through your points seamlessly. Also, try to avoid repeating the same points in different ways; instead, introduce new insights or perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which contribute to the overall coherence. The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion ties the essay together nicely.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples, such as the personal story of your cousin, helps to illustrate the points and makes the argument more compelling.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?