IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is beneficial for students to go to private secondary schools, but others think that it has negative effects. Discuss both points of view and give your own oipnion

#people #students #schools #effects #points #oipnion
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The is an
ongiong
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ongoing
 debate about
weather
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whether
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is better for high
school
student
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students
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 attending a
privet
school
 or a
puplic
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public
 one. in
this
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essay
easy
eaasy
Add a comma
eaasy,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will
discus
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discuss
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 both viewpoints and offer my opinion. On the one hand, people who
agee
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agree
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 with the private
schools
thinks
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think
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 that giving a larger budget could mean more resources for teachers to use in order for them to plan the lessons in
such
Correct article usage
an affective
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affective
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effective
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 way,
moreover
 they can spend more on the material that they need to use during each lesson.
for example
 ,
sicence
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science
teacher
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teachers
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on
Change preposition
in
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privet
schools
 can use more
substance
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substances
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 during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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labratory
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laboratory
 lesson because the
school
 has bought
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for them . yet On another hand, people who are
againss
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against
including me as well
,
Remove the comma
apply
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that students who move to
privet
schools
 would only have contact with
Add an article
a student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 from
spesifice
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specific
class
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classes
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 of the
socity
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society
with out
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without
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 any chance for personal growth .
In addition
, they will only make friends with children
form
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from
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Correct article usage
a matual
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matual
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manual
mutual
natural
invironment
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environment
 meaning they will avoid knowing children from other social
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 showing no
considration
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consideration
to
Change preposition
of
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 other children .
For instance
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 from rich families would prefer to become
frinds
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friends
 with
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who are actually rich, ignoring the other
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 who might be from poorer
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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. In conclusion,
Although
 some people support the idea that moving
tenagers
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teenage
 students to a
privet
school
 would benefit them as
this
schools
Change the determiner
school
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 has a bigger budget that can help the teachers allocate more
taword
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to
 the
lessons
Fix the agreement mistake
lesson
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 resources. I strongly agree with the other group that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 would only downsize
thier
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their
 social cercal to a small group of students.
Submitted by hebadyala on

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grammar
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structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is fully developed. This might help with logically supporting and extending your main points.
content
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples and elaborate on how they support your arguments.
task achievement
You have made a good effort to cover both views and present a balanced discussion.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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