IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by the young in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Introduction
In
contempory
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contemporary
 young are being
inflused
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influenced
infused
 by
voilence
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violence
 or having less
parentail
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parental
 support which makes them enrol in criminal activities. It can be caused
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 lack of parental supervision or
ignorrnance
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ignorance
 from adults which can
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
contribut
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contribute
 to youth crime.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 from
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age
needs
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need
show examples
 to be
supervisied
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supervised
 adults to ensure that there is not
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
any bad influence from people
for example
Linking Words
cigrette
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cigarette
cigarettes
,tobacco,alcohol or any
addctive
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addictive
additive
 substances
Body paragraph 2
for
there
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their
show examples
 health. since young people
tends
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tend
show examples
 to follow what they capture with
there
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their
show examples
 eyes. Instance young
children
Use synonyms
 are
influnced
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influenced
 by
there
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their
show examples
 peers to engage in illegal activities to gain
socail
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social
acceptence
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acceptance
.
Body paragraph 3
Some major factors like poverty,unemployment,and lack of education can attract young individuals towards criminal activities out of
frustation
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frustration
therefore
Linking Words
 it can be turned into
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 problem in the
famli
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family
 or
socity
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society
.
Body paragraph 4
On the next hand, sadly
for
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apply
show examples
some major
problem
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problems
show examples
 like alcohol and
ciggrette
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cigarettes
cigarette
 are sold
publicily
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publicly
 for which the law and
inforcement
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enforcement
 are not able to take action because it brings huge revenue to the country. Within the
family
Add a comma
family,
show examples
 alcohol plays
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 disrupte their bonding causing violence and even divorce leading to
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
. The government should control the number of
addactive
Correct your spelling
addictive
substance
Fix the agreement mistake
substances
show examples
 to
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
show examples
 and take harsh
punish
Replace the word
punishment
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those selling
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
illegelly
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illegally
 to others.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, parents should
lookout
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look out
show examples
 for any
addaction
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addiction
 shown in their
children
Use synonyms
 and make them stay away from people who
uses
Change the verb form
use
show examples
such
Linking Words
 things .

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coherence cohesion
Your essay addresses the topic, but ensure that you have a clear structure with paragraphs for different points. Connective phrases and proper punctuation (e.g., full stops, commas) are essential to improve readability and logical flow.
task achievement
Ensure that you clearly outline your main points and provide detailed examples to support them. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea to maintain clarity.
language accuracy
Work on your grammar and spelling. Frequent errors detract from the quality of your writing. Use a spell checker or grammar checker to help you identify and correct mistakes.
content
You have provided a range of causes and solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The intent to discuss both causes and solutions is clear, showing your effort to comprehensively address the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Breakdown of family structures
  • Peer pressure
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Exposure to violence
  • Lack of recreational facilities
  • Mental health issues
  • Substance abuse
  • Weak law enforcement
  • Single-parent families
  • Parental supervision
  • Illegal activities
  • Social acceptance
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Lack of education
  • Violent neighborhoods
  • Violent media
  • Recreational options
  • Idle time
  • Impulsive behaviors
  • Aggressive behaviors
  • Insufficient policing
  • Legal consequences
  • Deter
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