You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: These days in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this, and how could the problem be solved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many
people
in recent times for accessing software
are inclined to share their private information
with technological companies
in order to access them
Change the pronoun
their
software
. The drawbacks of sharing personal information
outweigh the benefits because most of the time, these technological organizations do not maintain the security confidentialities of private information
.
To start with, sharing private information
of public
with a Correct article usage
the public
company
is safe if
Correct word choice
apply
a
until the Correct article usage
apply
company
respects the privacy of its
Replace the word
it's
it is
their
clients. Correct pronoun usage
apply
However
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
companies
do not manage and preserve that that
Correct determiner usage
apply
information
properly and consequently
, this
leads to the leakage of sensitive information
and puts those people
’s security at risk. For example
, in Canada. a significant number of people
shared their personal data with a software
company
, but without their client's consent, there they shared those data was shared
with a third party. A large amount number of private Verb problem
apply
information
got
leaked and made public safety a pressing issue. Therefore
, if the companies
fail to consider the personal safety of their customers, the actual purpose of sharing such
information
will be failed
.
Providing personal Wrong verb form
fail
information
to a technological company
helps a person to use software
for professional purposes. This
would help to preserve his valuable data and documents and utilize them when and where needed. For example
, people
in the USA are using the software
of numerous software
companies
to preserve them
details, and to do Change the pronoun
their
this
, they want to take the help of technological companies
. This
helps them to perform their professional duties duty. Hence
, despite the risk of insecurity, people
are still interested in sharing to share their information
with those
companies
.
In conclusion, people
share their personal information
with technological companies
to do their jobs properly, but technological organizations cannot promise zero
tolerance in maintaining confidentiality. The drawbacks always outweigh the benefits.Submitted by rahman_rehana on
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task response
Expand your introductory paragraph to provide better context for your essay. A stronger introduction would help readers understand the framework of your discussion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'Consequently' to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting points directly align with your core argument. This will make your argument more compelling.
task response
Your essay addresses the task and presents an argument about the drawbacks of sharing personal information in exchange for software services, which is relevant to current trends.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion correctly summarizes the main points of the essay, providing a clear stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.