Some peoplebelieve that the difference between the lowest paid jobs and tho highest paid jobs should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no doubt,
salaries
Correct word choice
that salaries
show examples
play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
role for every employee;
however
, some
people
argue that the discrepancy between
jobs
with low wages and
jobs
with high wages should be minimal.
This
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
is controversial and I will explain, why the idea has negative outcomes and should not be realised.
To begin
with, if
difference
Add an article
the difference
show examples
was reduced,
people
would not strive to move in
career
Add an article
the career
show examples
ladder.
This
is because in many cases a salary is the biggest motivator for achieving knowledge,
graduation
Replace the word
graduating
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
a University, and
hardworking
Verb problem
working
show examples
at
nights
Fix the agreement mistake
night
show examples
.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
example could be described
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
case, where I decided to pass the GMAT exam in order to find a job with higher financial bonuses.
In contrast
, if
people
had similar paychecks in a simple job
such
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
cleaner and an advanced job
such
as
electrical
Correct article usage
an electrical
show examples
engineer, teenagers would not have the desire to go
throw
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
5
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
studying for the profession, like it was in the USSR.
In addition
, the possible consequence of the
changes
Change the noun form
change
show examples
reduction
ciuld
Correct your spelling
could
be the situation when smart
people
escape to other countries.
In other words
, educated
people
, who are not
sutisfied
Correct your spelling
satisfied
by a lower salary could be easily hired and relocated by foreign companies.
For instance
, the massive migration
top
Change preposition
of top
show examples
managers from France, which
hapened
Correct your spelling
happened
as a result
of increasing taxes for owners of highest
paid
Correct your spelling
highest-paid
show examples
jobs
. Alternatively,
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
paid personnel
whould
Correct your spelling
would
not change
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
of living. In conclusion, I would stick to my opinion, that there is no need to make
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
difference between the
lowest paid
Add a hyphen
lowest-paid
show examples
jobs
and the
highest paid
Add a hyphen
highest-paid
show examples
jobs
because individuals may lose the motivation to develop themselves and the threat of losing top personnel may appear.
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, but it could benefit from deeper analysis and more detailed examples. Try to add more specific examples and arguments to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clearly presented and logically structured, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Make sure to proofread your essay and work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have a strong introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized and each paragraph flows logically into the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • income inequality
  • equitable society
  • poverty levels
  • economic stimulation
  • social unrest
  • social cohesion
  • pay gap
  • solidarity
  • alienation
  • morale
  • productivity
  • higher education
  • challenging roles
  • innovation
  • growth
  • exorbitant salaries
  • fair compensation
  • essential services
  • balanced salary structure
  • adequately compensated
  • competitive edge
  • progressive taxation
  • redistribute wealth
  • public investment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: