Some children spend hours every day on smartphones? Why is this the case? Do you think this is positive or negative development?
There is no doubt that nowadays more and more
children
spend a lot of time on smartphones
. In fact, people who spend much time surfing on
the internet suffer from many problems. In my opinion, I think Change preposition
apply
that is
a negative development for two reasons.
On the one hand, children
who spend hours on their phones usually have health issues. In other words
, parents should be aware on
their Change preposition
of
children
's health. In addition
, playing a lot of games
on those devices affect
the sight, so many Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
children
these days are wearing glasses. For example
, three years ago, my father did a test for his eyes, and the result was disappointed
because he was spending almost 6 hours using the computer Wrong verb form
disappointing
everyday
.
Replace the word
every day
On the other hand
, another crucial drawback is wasting time. To explain that, many kids use smartphones
for no benefits only for entertaining
. Replace the word
entertainment
Instead
of utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
smartphones
in
Change preposition
for
a beneficial methods
like learning and working. Correct the article-noun agreement
beneficial methods
a beneficial method
Furthermore
, some children
play unpolite games
that are unsuitable for their ages. A study concluded that 90% of the websites and games
have no good impact on children
behavior. Change noun form
children's
As a result
, the government should pay attention about
Change preposition
to
games
that have
not any positive effects.
In conclusion, it is noticed at present that a big proportion of Add a missing verb
do have
children
are smartphone addicts. In my point of view, I believe that smartphones
have some advantages and a lot of disadvantages. However
, Phones have bad
impact on Correct article usage
a bad
the
bodies, Change the word
our
also
children
use mobiles too much because their parents are irresponsible.Submitted by moha.aleid2017 on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively but could benefit from deeper insights and more nuanced arguments. Providing a variety of perspectives would help enhance your response.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points with additional and diverse supporting evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the use of transitional phrases and words to link ideas and paragraphs more fluidly. This will improve the logical flow and help in maintaining a coherent structure.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be more concise. Avoid redundancy to maintain reader's interest and improve clarity.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion, which provides a good starting point for the essay.
coherence cohesion
Conclusion adequately wraps up the discussion, summarizing the key points discussed in the essay effectively.
task achievement
The main points regarding health issues and wasting time are sufficiently supported with relevant examples.