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Band 4.5

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion mil be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

#idea #career #fashion #mil #careers #money #education #life
In the new era,
people
 easily have the
oportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to access higher education;
for instance
, the new fashion is to have more than
two
careers
 as a chance to
ear
Correct your spelling
earn
show examples
 more
money
 than having just one or even nothing. That phenomenon has to be evaluated depending on the country to be analyzed. To illustrate it, it is not the same,
study
two
careers
 in
Colombia
 and one in Europe. In
this
 essay, I will explain
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having many
careers
 and compare
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
two
 countries. Primarily,
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 several ways to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
money
 is a good approach to promote
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 personal economy, impulse
people
 to take courses in
further
 education; even though,
study related
Add a hyphen
study-related
show examples
careers
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a plus if you are working as a freelancer, or in the STEM area. As an illustration,
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 statistics and computer science has more value in the
laboral
Correct your spelling
labour
 market both in
Colombia
 and in Europe,
due to
this
to
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
careers
 develop similar abilities that can be used in different areas.
Moreover
,
people
 with similar characteristics have more opportunities to get
two
 jobs even more so, with the trend of these jobs being remote.
Nevertheless
, it isn't the same, has more than one
careers
Fix the agreement mistake
career
show examples
 in
Colombia
 than Europe,
that is
 because education in
this
 country isn't free, in comparison with almost every country in that continent.
Likewise
,
minimum
Add an article
the minimum
show examples
 salary is lower in
Colombia
,
additionally
,
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
 day is longer.
For
this
 reason, sometimes is hard
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
two
 jobs, or
study
two
 courses,
having in
Verb problem
taking
show examples
count
Correct your spelling
account
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 points I mentioned. To give another example,
people
 in
Colombia
, opt for
study
 courses to give
money
, leaving aside their dreams. it is important to stand out
this
 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 quality of life
people
 here
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 facing. All
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
cosidered
Correct your spelling
considered
 before, the new fashion is just for
people
 with specific conditions, poor
people
 or who
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
opportunities, occasionally can
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 another job to
ear
Correct your spelling
earn
show examples
 more
money
.
To conclude
,
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 adopting
this
 new way in the
laboral
Correct your spelling
labour
 world
as a result
 of changes working.
Submitted by mariajoser3 on

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task achievement
You have successfully addressed the main topic of the essay and provided a clear stance. However, your arguments could be further developed and supported with more specific examples and statistics.
coherence cohesion
While you generally maintain logical flow throughout the essay, there are some areas where the ideas could be more clearly linked and ordered. Try to use more transition words to enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing both sides of the argument, acknowledging potential differences between Colombia and Europe.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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