In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays life expediency is going longer compared to ago in many territories. Certain individuals claim more old

people

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in a

society

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make problems for the governor.

However

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, others believe there are

merits

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as populations get older. I think the disadvantages of having an ageing population outweigh the advantages and I compare the

merits

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and demerits in the following essay. On the positive side, certain individuals assert that knowledge and experience of our

society

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will be increased by ageing populations;

Consequently

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, we have elder

people

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who can assist adolescents in going up the career ladder.

Additionally

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, younger

people

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can use the experience of older persons.

For example

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, I work in a company that has a massive number of old workers compared to another business competitor.

Subsequently

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, our company growing faster as it has experience of older workers. On the negative side, when a

society

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gets old, it puts a lot of financial pressure on the government. As elderly need healthcare and payment pension. Followed by strains on social welfare systems.

Additionally

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, old

society

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decreased workforce and productivity.

Consequently

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, a huge money will be spent by the government on older.

For instance

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, the population of Japan getting old in decade 90

subsequently

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this

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country has no economic growth yet because of it. So, because of the worse economic conditions that will come with an ageing

society

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, I believe that these demerits outweigh the

merits

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. In conclusion, there are advantages and disadvantages if

people

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going to live longer than before.

However

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, I believe that the

merits

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outweigh the demerits.

mkhdermaniFri Sep 13 2024

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task achievement

Improve your introduction by stating the main points more clearly and succinctly. Ensure that your thesis statement directly reflects your stance on the topic.

coherence cohesion

Work on the structure of your essay by using clearer topic sentences and transitions between paragraphs. This will help to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Avoid repetition and redundancy. For example, in the conclusion, you stated 'the merits outweigh the demerits' which contradicts the position you took earlier. Ensure that your conclusion aligns with the arguments presented.

task achievement

Be precise with examples. While your example about Japan was relevant, it could be strengthened with more specific data or details about how the ageing population impacted economic growth.

task achievement

You effectively provided specific examples to support your points, such as the example about Japan and your company.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt and explores both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, which shows a balanced approach.

coherence cohesion

Your language and vocabulary are generally varied and appropriate, which adds depth to your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Most pe think that teenagers should choose their jobs more realistically, however some of them think that they should choose job that they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The only way to improve road safety is to give more stricter punishments for driving offences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this?

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 254 words.